The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

"I don"t like "em. Never have done, never will."

"Yes, sir."

"Did you see that rat?"

"Yes, sir."

"I think she was laughing at me."

The coach rolled through the streets of Bonk once more.

"How big a war?"

"A worse one than the one fifty years ago, I expect," said Cheery.

"I don"t recall people talking about that one," said Vimes.

"Most humans didn"t know about it," said Cheery. "It mostly took place underground. Undermining passages and digging invasion tunnels and so on. Perhaps a few houses fell into mysterious holes and people didn"t get their coal, but that was about it."

"You mean dwarfs just try to collapse mines on other dwarfs?"

"Oh, yes."

"I thought you were all law-abiding?"

"Oh, yes, sir. Very law-abiding. Just not very merciful."

Ye gods, thought Vimes, as the coach rolled over the bridge in the centre of the town, I haven"t been sent to a coronation. I"ve been sent to a war that hasn"t started yet.

He glanced up. Tantony was watching him intently, but looked away quickly.

Lady Margolotta watched the coach until it reached the gates of the town. She stood back a little from the window. There was a slight overcast, but habits of preservation died hard.

"Vhat a very angry man, Igor."

"Yeth, mithtreth."

"You can see it piling up behind his patience. I vonder how far he can be pushed?"

"I"ve brought the hearthe around, mithtreth."

"Oh, is it that late? We"d better be going, then. Everyvun feels despondent if I miss a meeting, you know."

The castle on the other side of the valley was much more rugged than Lady Margolotta"s confectionery item. Even so, the gates were wide open and didn"t look as though they were often closed.

The main door was tall and heavy-looking. The only thing that suggested it hadn"t been ordered from the standard castle catalogue was the smaller, narrow door, a few feet high, set into it.

"What"s that for?" said Vimes. "Even a dwarf would bump their head."

"I suppose it depends on what shape you are when you go in," said Cheery darkly.

The main door opened as soon as Vimes had laid his hand on the wolf"s-head knocker. But he was ready this time. .

"Good morning, Igor," he said.

"Good day, your exthellenthy," said Igor, bowing.

"Igor and Igor send their regards, Igor."