The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

"Oh, I can hand around the thin cucumber sandwiches like anything," said Vimes. "And if you want little golden balls of chocolate piled up in a heap, I"m your man."

She gave him a slow, blank stare. "Your pardon, your excellency," she said. "Morporkian is not my first .language and I fear we may have inadvertently misled one another. I gather that you are, in real life, a policeman?"

"In real life, yes," said Vimes.

"We"ve always been against a police force in Bonk," said the Baroness. "We feel it interferes with the liberties of the individual."

"Well, I have certainly heard that argument advanced," said Vimes. "Of course, it depends on whether the individual you are thinking of is yourself or the one climbing out of the bathroom - " he noted the grimace  - "window with the family silver in a sack."

"Happily, security has never been a problem for us," said Serafine.

"I"m not surprised," said Vimes. "I mean... because of all the walls and gates and things."

"I do hope you will bring Sybil to the reception this evening. But I see that we are keeping you, and I know you must have much to do. Igor will show you out."

"Yeth, mithtreth," said Igor, behind Vimes.

Vimes could feel the river of fury building up behind the levees of his mind. "I"ll tell Sergeant Angua you asked after her," he said, standing up.

"Indeed," said Serafine.

"But right now I"m looking forward to a really relaxing bath," said Vimes, and watched with satisfaction as both the Baron and his wife flinched. "Good day to you."

Cheery marched along beside him across the hallway.

"Don"t say a word until we"re out of here," hissed Vimes.

"Sir?"

"Because I want to get out of here," said Vimes.

Several of the dogs had followed them out.

They weren"t growling, they hadn"t bared their teeth, but they were carrying themselves with rather more purpose than Vimes had come to associate with groin-sniffers in general.

"I"ve put the parthel in the coach, your exthellenthy" said Igor, opening the coach door and knuckling his forehead.

"I"ll be sure to give it to Igor," said Vimes.

"Oh, not to Igor, thur. Thith ith for Igor."

"Oh, right."

Vimes looked out of the windows as the horses trotted away. The golden-haired wolf had come to the steps and was watching him leave.

He sat back as the coach rumbled out of the castle and closed his eyes. Cheery was wise enough to remain silent.

"No weapons on the walls, did you notice?" he said, after a while. His eyes were still shut, as if he was looking at a picture on the back of them. "Most castles like that have the things hanging all over the place."

"Well, they are werewolves, sir."

"Does Angua ever talk about her parents?"

"No, sir."

"They didn"t want to talk about her, that"s certain." Vimes opened his eyes. "Dwarfs?" he said. "I"ve always got on with dwarfs. And werewolves... well, never had a problem with werewolves. So why is the only person who hasn"t tried to blow me out this morning the blood-sucking vampire?"

"I don"t know, sir."