The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

"Nothing was missing..." He rubbed his chin. "Who packed the coach, Detritus?"

"Dunno, sir. I fink her ladyship just ordered a lot of stuff."

"And we left in a bit of a rush, too..." Vimes stopped. Best to leave it there. He had an idea but, well, where was the evidence? You could say: nothing that should have been there was missing, so what must have been taken was something that shouldn"t have been there.

No. For now, it was just something to remember.

They walked into the hall, and Vimes"s eye fell on a pile of cards on a table by the door.

"Der"s been a lot of visitors," said Detritus.

Vimes took a handful of cards. Some of them had gold edging.

"Dem diplomatics all want you to come for drinky-poos an" stories about chickens," the troll added helpfully.

"Cocktails, I think you"ll find," said Vimes, reading through the pasteboards. "Hmm, Klatch... Muntab... Genua... Lancre... Lancre? It"s a kingdom you could spit across! They"ve got an embassy here?"

"No, sir, mostly dey"ve got a letterbox."

"Will we all fit in?"

"Dey"ve rented a house for der coronation, sir."

Vimes dropped the invitations back on to the table.

"I don"t think I can face any of this stuff," he said. "A man can only drink so much fruit juice and listen to so many bad jokes. Where"s the nearest clacks tower, Detritus?"

"About fifteen miles Hubwards, sir."

"I"d like to find out what"s going on back home. I think that this afternoon Lady Sybil and I will have a nice quiet ride in the country. It"ll take her mind off things."

And then he thought, I"ll wait until midnight, see?

And it"s still only lunchtime.

In the end Vimes took Igor as driver and guide, and the guards Tantony and the one he would forever think of as Colonesque. Skimmer still hadn"t returned from whatever nefarious expedition was occupying his time, and Vimes was damned if he"d leave the embassy unguarded.

Yet another word for diplomat, Vimes mused, was "spy". The only difference was that the host government knew who you were. The game was to outwit them, presumably.

The sun was warm, the breeze was cold, the mountain air made every peak look as if Vimes could reach out and touch it. Outside the town snow-covered vineyards and farms clung to slopes that in Ankh-Morpork would be called walls, but after a while the pine forests closed in. Here and there, at a curve in the road, the river was visible far below.

Up on the box Igor was crooning a lament.

"He told me Igors heal very fast," said Lady Sybil.

"They"d have to."

"Mister Skimmer said they"re very gifted surgeons, Sam."

"Except cosmetically, perhaps."

The coach slowed.

"Do you come up here a lot, Igor?" said Vimes.

"Mithter Thleep uthed to have me drive over onthe a week to collect methageth, marthter."

"I"d have thought it"d be easier to have a pickup tower in Bonk."