The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

"You specified fiendishly, sir," said Leonard, looking worried.

"Oh, yes."

"There does not appear to be a common standard for fiends, my lord, but I did some research in the more accessible occult texts and I believe these cyphers will be considered "difficult" by more than 96 per cent of fiends."

"Good."

"They may perhaps verge on the diabolically difficult in places - "

"That is not a problem. I shall use them forthwith."

Leonard still seemed to have something on his mind. "It would be so easy to make them archdemonically diff - "

"But these will suffice, Leonard," said Vetinari.

"My lord," Leonard almost wailed, "I really cannot guarantee that sufficiently clever people will be unable to read your messages!"

"Good."

"But, my lord, they will know what you are thinking!"

Vetinari patted him on the shoulder. "No, Leonard. They will merely know what is in my messages."

"I really do not understand, my lord."

"No, but on the other hand I cannot make exploding coffee. What would the world be like if we were all alike?"

Leonard"s face clouded for a moment. "I"m not sure," he said, "but if you"d like me to work on the problem I may be able to devise a - "

"It was merely a figure of speech, Leonard."

Vetinari shook his head ruefully. It often seemed to him that Leonard, who had pushed intellect into hitherto undiscovered uplands, had discovered there large and specialized pockets of stupidity. What would be the point of cyphering messages that very clever enemies couldn"t break? You"d end up not knowing what they thought you thought they were thinking...

"There was one rather strange message from Uberwald, my lord," said Leonard. "Yesterday morning."

"Strange?"

"It was not cyphered."

"Not at all? I thought everyone used codes."

"Oh, the sender and recipient are code names, but the message is quite plain. It was a request for information about Commander Vimes, of whom you have often spoken."

Lord Vetinari went quite still.

"The return message was mostly clear, too. A certain amount of... gossip."

"All about Vimes? Yesterday morning? Before I - ?"

"My lord?"

"Tell me," said the Patrician. "This message from Uberwald. It yields no clue at all to the sender?"

Sometimes, like a ray of light through clouds, Leonard could be quite perceptive. "You think you might know the originator, my lord?"

"Oh, in my younger days I spent some time in Uberwald," said the Patrician. "In those days rich young men from Ankh-Morpork used to go on what we called the Grand Sneer, visiting farflung countries and cities in order to see at first hand how inferior they were. Or so it seemed, at any rate. Oh, yes. I spent some time in Uberwald."

It was not often that Leonard of Quirm paid attention to what people around him were doing, but he saw the faraway look in Lord Vetinari"s eye.