The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

"Yes, sir. The pneumatic tube is very useful," Visit added dutifully.

"Commander Vimes isn"t very keen on it but I"m sure it will eventually save us time," said Carrot. He unfolded the note.

Visit watched him. Carrot"s lips moved slightly as he read.

"Where did the pigeon come from?" he said at last, screwing up the note.

"It looks pretty worn out, sir. Not from inside the city, I"m sure."

"Ah. Right. Thank you."

"Bad news, sir?" Visit angled.

"Just news, constable. Don"t let me detain you."

"Right, sir."

When the disappointed Visit had gone, Carrot went and looked out of the window. There was a typical Ankh-Morpork street scene outside, although people were trying to separate them.

After a few minutes he went back to his table, wrote a short note, put it into one of the little carriers and sent it away with a hiss of air.

A few minutes later Sergeant Colon came panting along the corridor. Carrot was very keen on modernizing the Watch, and in some strange way sending a message via the tube was so much more modern than simply opening the door and shouting, which is what Mr Vimes did.

Carrot gave Colon a bright smile. "Ah, Fred. Everything going well?"

"Yessir?" said Fred Colon uncertainly.

"Good. I"m off to see the Patrician, Fred. As senior sergeant you are in charge of the Watch until Mister Vimes gets back."

"Yessir. Er... until you get back, you mean..."

"I shall not be coming back, Fred. I am resigning."

The Patrician looked at the badge on his desk.

"... and well-trained men," Carrot was saying, somewhere in front of him. "After all, a few years ago there were only four of us in the Watch. Now it"s functioning just like a machine."

"Yes, although bits of it do go boing occasionally," said Lord Vetinari, still staring at the badge. "Could I invite you to reconsider, captain?"

"I"ve reconsidered several times, sir. And it"s not captain, sir."

"The Watch needs you, Mister Ironfoundersson."

"The Watch is bigger than one man, sir," said Carrot, still looking straight ahead.

"I"m not sure if it"s bigger than Sergeant Colon, though."

"People get mistaken about old Fred, sir. He"s a man with a solid bottom to his character."

"He"s got a solid bottom to his bottom, ca -  Mister Ironfoundersson."

"I mean he doesn"t flap in an emergency, sir."

"He doesn"t do anything in an emergency," said the Patrician. "Except possibly hide. I might go so far as to say that the man appears to consist of an emergency in his own right."

"My mind is made up, sir."

Lord Vetinari sighed, sat back and stared up at the ceiling for a moment.