The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

That made sense!

He turned and his eye caught the huge accusing heap of paperwork in the corner.

And the empty fireplace, too.

That was what officering was all about, wasn"t it? Making decisions!

Lance-Constable Visit walked dejectedly back down to the main office, which had filled up for a Watch change.

Everyone was clustered around one of the desks on which lay, looking slightly muddy, the Scone of Stone.

"Constable Thighbiter found it in Zephire Street, just lying there," said Sergeant Stronginthearm. "The thief must"ve got scared."

"A long way from the museum, though," said Reg Shoe. "Why lug it all the way across the city and leave it in a posh part of town where someone"s bound to trip over it?"

"Oh, woe is me, for I am undone," said Constable Visit, who felt he was playing a poor second fiddle to what he would call, if he had no use for his legs, a pagan image.

"Could be draughty," said Corporal Nobbs, a man of little sympathy.

"I mean I have been reduced to lanceconstable," said Visit:

"What? Why?" said Sergeant Stronginthearm.

"I"m... not sure," said Visit.

"That just about does it!" said the dwarf. "He sacked three of the officers up at Dolly Sisters yesterday. Well, I"m not waiting for it to happen to me. I"m off to Sto Lat. They"re always looking for trained watchmen. I"m a sergeant. I could name my price."

"But, look, Vimesy used to say that sort of thing too. I heard him," said Nobby.

"Yeah, but that was different."

"How?" ;Yeah, he said der last frog we wanted was more bloody coppers around the city."

A pigeon chose that diplomatic moment to flutter into the factory and land on Colon"s shoulder, where it promoted him. Colon reached up, removed the message capsule and unfolded the contents.

"It"s from Visit," he said. "There"s a Clue, he says."

"What to?" said Nobby.

"Not to anything, Nobby. Just a Clue." He took off his helmet and wiped his brow. This was what he"d hoped to avoid. In his heart of battered hearts, he suspected that Vimes and Carrot were good at putting clues next to other clues and thinking about them. That was their talent. He had others... well, he was good with people, and he had a shiny breastplate, and he could sergeant in his sleep "All right, write up your report," he said. "Well done. We"re going back to the Yard.

"I can see this is going to get on top of me," said Colon, as they walked away. "There"s paperwork, too. You know me and paperwork, Nobby."

"You"re a very thorough reader, that"s all, Fred," said Nobby. "I"ve seen you take ages over just one page. Digesting it magisterially, I thought."

Colon brightened a little. "Yes, that"s what I do," he said.

"Even if it"s only the menu down at the Klatchian Take-Away, I"ve seen you staring at one line for a minute at a time."

"Well, obviously you can"t let people put one over on you," said Colon, sticking out his chest, or at least sticking it further up.

"What you need is an aide de camp," said Nobby, lifting his dress to step over a puddle.

"I do?"

"Oh, yes. "Cos of you being a figurehead and setting an example to your men," said Nobby.

"Ah. Right. Yes," said Colon, grasping the idea with relief. "A man can"t be expected to do all that and read long words, am I right?"