The Truth (Discworld 25)

'Got to take a picture of Ankh-Morpork's finest,' said William, easing himself towards the door. Of course, that was a lie, but since it was such an obvious lie he considered that it didn't count. It was like saying the sky was green.

By now Corporal Nobbs was almost leaving the floor under the lifting power of pride.

'Could I have a copy for my mam?' he said.

'Smile, please...' said Otto.

'I am smilin'.'

'Stop smiling, please.'

Click. WHOOMPH.

'Aaarghaarghaargh

A screaming vampire is always the centre of attention. William slipped into the Oblong Office.

Just inside the door was a chalk outline. In coloured chalk. It must have been done by Corporal Nobbs, because he was the only person who would add a pipe and draw in some flowers and clouds.

There was also a stink of peppermint. There was a chair, knocked over.

There was a basket, kicked upside down in the corner of the room.

There was a short, evil-looking metal arrow sticking into the floor at an angle; it had a City Watch label tied to it now.

There was a dwarf. He-- no, William corrected himself, on seeing the heavy leather skirt and the slight raised heels to the iron boots - she was lying down on her stomach, picking at something on the floor with a pair of tweezers. It looked like a smashed jar.

She glanced up. 'Are you new? Where's your uniform?' she said.

'Well, er, I, er...'

She narrowed her eyes. 'You're not a watchman, are you? Does Mister Vimes know you're here?'

The way of the truthful-by-nature is as a bicycle race in a pair of sandpaper underpants, but William clung to an indisputable fact.

'I spoke to him just now,' he said.

But the dwarf wasn't Sergeant Detritus, and certainly not Corporal Nobbs.

'And he said you could come in here?' she demanded.

'Not exactly said--'

The dwarf walked across and swiftly opened the door. 'Then get--'

'Ah, a vonderful framing effect!' said Otto, who'd been on the other side of the door.

Click!

William shut his eyes.

WHOOMPH.

'... oohhbuggerrrrr...'

This time William caught the little piece of paper before it hit the ground.

The dwarf stood open-mouthed. Then she closed her mouth. Then she opened it again to say: 'What the hell just happened?'