The Truth (Discworld 25)

Besides, the horrible black emergency blutwurst had finally been

* In other circumstances it would have been as likely as cows singing 'Let Me Be Covered In Rapturous Gravy'.

produced. For a vampire this was the equivalent of a cardboard cigarette to a terminal nicotine addict, but it was at least something he could get his teeth into. When William finally tore his gaze away from the horror of the shadows, Sacharissa was mopping Otto's brow.

'Oh, vunce again I am so ashamed, vhere can I put my head, it's so--'

William held up the picture. 'Otto, what's this?'

In the shadows were mouths, screaming. In the shadows were eyes, wide. They didn't move while you watched them, but if you looked at the picture a second time you got a feeling that they weren't quite in the same place.

Otto shuddered. 'Oh, I used all zer eels I had,' he said.

'And--?'

'Oh, they're awful,' breathed Sacharissa, looking away from the tortured shadows.

'I feel so wretched,' said Otto. 'Obviously they vere too stronk--'

'Tell us, Otto!'

'Veil... the iconograph does not lie, you have heard zis?'

'Of course.'

'Yes? Veil... under stronk dark light, the picture really does not lie. Dark light reveals zer truth to the dark eyes of zer mind...' He paused and sighed. 'Ah, vunce again no ominous roll of thunder, vot a vaste. But at least you could look apprehensively at the shadows.'

All heads turned towards the shadows, in the corner of the room and under the roof. They were simply shadows, haunted by nothing more than dust and spiders.

'But there's just dust and--' Sacharissa began.

Otto held up a hand. 'Dear lady... I have just told you. Philosophically, the truth can be vot is metaphorically there

William stared at the picture again.

'I had hoped that I could use filters and so on to cut down zer, er, unvanted effects,' said Otto behind him. 'But alas--'

'This gets worse and worse,' said Sacharissa. 'It gives me the humorous vegetables.'

Goodmountain shook his head. 'This is unholy stuff,' he said. 'No more meddling with it, understand?'

'I didn't think dwarfs were religious,' said William.

'We're not,' said Goodmountain. 'But we know unholy when we see it, and I'm looking at it right now, I'm telling you. I don't want any more of these, these... prints of darkness!'

William grimaced. It shows the truth, he thought. But how do we know the truth when we see it? The Ephebian philosophers think that a hare can never outrun a tortoise, and they can prove it. Is that the truth? I heard a wizard say that everything is made of little numbers, whizzing around so fast that they become stuff. Is that true? I think a lot of things that have been happening over the last few days are not what they seem, and I don't know why I think that, but I think it's not the truth...

'Yes, no more of this stuff, Otto,' he said.

'Damn right,' said Goodmountain.

'Let's just try to get back to normal and get a paper out, shall we?'

'You mean normal where mad priests start to collect dogs, or normal where vampires mess around with evil shadows?' said Gowdie.

'I mean like normal before that,' said William.

'Oh, I see. You mean like back in the old days,' said Gowdie.