The Truth (Discworld 25)

Only among the gentle crew under the bridge could a consensus person like Andrews find an accommodating niche. They'd welcomed him, or them, to the fraternity around the smoky fire. Someone who wasn't the same person for more than five minutes at a time could fit right in.

One other thing that united the crew - although probably nothing could unite Altogether Andrews - was a readiness to believe that a dog could talk. The group around the smouldering fire believed they had heard a lot of things talk, such as walls. A dog was easy by comparison. Besides, they respected the fact that Gaspode had the sharpest mind of the lot and never drank anything that corroded the container.

'Let's try this again, shall we?' he said. 'If you sell thirty of the things, you'll get a dollar. A whole dollar. Got that?'

'Bugrit.'

'Quack.'

'Haaargghhh... gak!'

'How much is that in old boots?'

Gaspode sighed. 'No, Arnold. You can use the money to buy as many old--'

There was a rumble from Altogether Andrews, and the rest of the crew went very still. When Altogether Andrews was quiet for a while you never knew who he was going to be.

There was always the possibility that it would be Burke.

'Can I ask a question?' said Altogether Andrews, in a rather hoarse treble.

The crew relaxed. That sounded like Lady Hermione. She wasn't a problem.

'Yes... your ladyship?' said Gaspode.

'This wouldn't be... work, would it?'

The mention of the word sent the rest of the crew into a fugue of stress and bewildered panic.

'Haaaruk... gak!'

'Bugrit!'

'Quack!'

'No, no, no,' said Gaspode hurriedly. 'It's hardly work, is it? Just handing out stuff and takin' money? Doesn't sound like work to me.'

'I ain't working!' shouted Coffin Henry. I am socially inadequate in the whole area of doin' anything!'

'We do not work,' said Arnold Sideways. 'We is gentlemen of les-u-are.'

'Ahem,' said Lady Hermione.

'Gentlemen and ladies of les-u-are,' said Arnold gallantly.

'This is a very nasty winter. Extra money would certainly come in handy,' said the Duck Man.

'What for?' said Arnold.

'We could live like kings on a dollar a day, Arnold,'

'What, you mean someone'd chop our heads off?'.

'No, I--'

'Someone'd climb up inside the privy with a red-hot poker and--'

'No! I meant--'