The Truth (Discworld 25)

'Where's Muntab?' said William.

'Exactly. How is Lord de Worde, by the way? You should write to him more often, you know.'

William said nothing.

'I always think it is a very sad thing when families fall out,' said Lord Vetinari. There is far too much mutton-headed ill-feeling in the world.' He gave William a companionable pat. 'I'm sure you will see to it that the printing enterprise stays firmly in the realms, of the cult, the canny and the scrutable. Do I make myself clear?'

'But I don't have any control ov--'

'Hmm?'

'Yes, Lord Vetinari,' said William.

'Good. Good!' The Patrician straightened up, turned, and beamed at the dwarfs.

'Jolly good,' he said. 'My word. Lots of little letters, all screwed together. Possibly an idea whose time has come. I may even have an occasional job for you myself.'

William waved frantically at Gunilla from behind the Patrician's back.

'Special rate for government jobs,' the dwarf muttered.

'Oh, but I wouldn't dream of paying any less than other customers,' said the Patrician.

'I wasn't going to charge you less than--'

'Well, I'm sure we've all been very pleased to see you here, your lordship,' said William brightly, swivelling the Patrician in the direction of the door. 'We look forward to the pleasure of your custom.'

'Are you quite sure Mr Dibbler isn't involved in this concern?'

'I think he's having some things printed, but that's all,' said William.

'Astonishing. Astonishing,' said Lord Vetinari, getting into his coach. 'I do hope he isn't ill.'

Two figures watched his departure from the rooftop opposite.

One of them said, very, very quietly, '--!'

The other said, 'You have a point of view, Mr Tulip?'

'And he's the man who runs the city?'

'Yeah,'

'So where's his --ing bodyguards?'

'If we wanted to scrag him, here and now, how useful would, say, four bodyguards be?'

'As a --ing chocolate kettle, Mr Pin.'

'There you are, then,'

'But I could knock him over from here with a --ing brick!'

'I gather there are many organizations who hold Views on that, Mr Tulip. People tell me this dump is thriving. The man at the top has a lot of friends when everything is going well. You would soon run out of bricks,'

Mr Tulip looked down at the departing coach. 'From what I hear he mostly doesn't do a --ing thing!' he complained.

'Yeah,' said Mr Pin smoothly. 'One of the hardest things to do properly, in politics.'