Thief of Time (Discworld 26)

'Only for a few steps so far, alas bikkit bikkit wanna bikkit. Unfortunately, young bodies have a mind of their own BIKKIT! 'You sent me a message, your reverence? It said, “Put this one to the test.”'

'And what did you think of our want bikkit want bikkit want bikkit NOW young Lobsang Ludd?' An acolyte hurried forward with a plate of rusks. 'Would you care for a rusk, by the way?' the abbot added. 'Mmmm nicey bikkit!'

'No, reverend one, I have all the teeth I need,' said the sweeper. 'Ludd is a puzzle, is he not? His tutors have nicey bikkit mmm mmm bikkit told me he is very talented but somehow not all there. But you have never met him and don't know his history and so mmm bikkit and so I would value your uninfluenced observations mmm BIKKIT.'

'He is beyond fast,' said Lu-Tze. 'I think he may begin to react to things before they happen.'

'How can anyone tell that? Want teddy want teddy wanna wanna TEDDY!'

'I put him in front of the Device of Erratic Balls in the senior dojo and he was moving towards the right hole fractionally before the ball came out.'

'Some kind of gurgle telepathy, then?'

'If a simple machine has a mind of its own I think we're in really big trouble,' said Lu-Tze. He took a deep breath. 'And in the hall of the Mandala he saw the patterns in the chaos.'

'You let a neophyte see the Mandala?' said chief acolyte Rinpo, horrified. 'If you want to see if someone can swim, push him in the river,' said Lu-Tze, shrugging. 'What other way is there?'

'But to look at it without the proper training-'

'He saw the patterns,' said Lu-Tze. 'And reacted to the Mandala.' He did not add: and the Mandala reacted to him. He wanted to think about that. When you look into the abyss, it's not supposed to wave back. 'It was teddyteddyteddywahwah strictly forbidden, even so,' said the abbot. Clumsily, he fumbled among the toys on his mat and picked up a large wooden brick with a jolly blue elephant printed on it and hurled it clumsily at Rinpo. 'Sometimes you presume too much, Sweeper lookit 'lephant!' There was some applause from the acolytes at the abbot's prowess in animal recognition. 'He saw the patterns. He knows what is happening. He just doesn't know what he knows,' said Lu- Tze doggedly. 'And within a few seconds of meeting me he stole a small object of value, and I'm still wondering how he did it. Can he really be as fast as that without training? Who is this boy?' Tick Who is this girl? Madam Frout, headmistress of the Frout Academy and pioneer of the Frout Method of Learning Through Fun, often found herself thinking that when she had to interview Miss Susan. Of course, the girl was an employee, but ... well, Madam Frout wasn't very good at discipline, which was possibly why she'd invented the Method, which didn't require any. She generally relied on talking to people in a jolly tone of voice until they gave in out of sheer embarrassment on her behalf. Miss Susan didn't appear ever to be embarrassed about anything. 'The reason I've called you here, Susan, is that, er, the reason is-' Madam Frout faltered. 'There have been complaints?' said Miss Susan. 'Er, no... er ... although Miss Smith has told me that the children coming up from your class are, er, restless. Their reading ability is, she says, rather unfortunately advanced...'

How did I do that?'

'You don't know?'

'No!'

'Hah, will you listen to him?' said Soto, as if talking to a genial companion. 'There's probably the spin time of a whole Procrastinator being used up to prevent your little trick causing untold harm to the entire world, and you don't know how you did it?'

'No!'

'Then we'll train you. It's a good life, and it offers excellent prospects. At least,' he added, sniffing, 'better than those that confront you now.' Newgate strained to turn his head further. 'Train me in what, exactly?' The man sighed. 'Still asking questions, kid? Are you coming or not?'

'How-?'

'Look, I'm offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, do you understand?'

'Why is it the opportunity of a lifetime, Mr Soto?'

'No, you misunderstand me. You, that is Newgate Ludd, are being offered, that is by me, the opportunity of having a lifetime. Which is more than you will have shortly.' Newgate hesitated. He was aware of a tingling in his body. In a sense, it was still falling. He didn't know how he knew this, but the knowledge was as real as the cobbles just below him. If he made the wrong choice the fall would simply continue. It had been easy so far. The last few inches would be terminally hard. 'I must admit I don't like the way my life is going at the moment,' he said. 'It may be advantageous to find a new direction.'

'Good.' The be-haired man pulled something out of his robe. It looked like a folded abacus, but when he opened it up parts of it vanished with little flashes of light, as if they'd moved somewhere where they could not be seen. 'What are you doing?'

'Do you know what kinetic energy is?'

'No.'

'It's what you have far too much of.' Soto's fingers danced on the beads, sometimes disappearing and reappearing. 'I imagine you weigh about a hundred and ten pounds, yes?'

He pocketed the little device and strolled off to a nearby cart. He did something that Newgate couldn't see, and came back. 'In a few seconds you will complete your fall,' he said, reaching under him to place something on the ground. 'Try to think of it as a new start in life.' Newgate fell. He hit the ground. The air flashed purple and the laden cart across the street jerked a foot into the air and collapsed heavily. One wheel bounced away. Soto leaned down and shook Newgate's unresisting hand. 'How do you do?' he said. ' Any bruises?'

'It does hurt a bit,' said the shaken Newgate. 'Maybe you're a bit heavier than you look. Allow me...' Soto grabbed Newgate under the shoulders and began to tug him off into the mists. 'Can I go and-?'

'No.'

'But the Guild-'

'You don't exist at the Guild.'