The Wee Free Men (Discworld 30)

“Everyone. Anything,” said the toad. “Now pick me up.”

“Why?”

“Because there’s a woman at the well over there giving you a funny look. Put me in your apron pocket, for goodness’ sake.”

Tiffany snatched up the toad and smiled at the woman. “I’m making a collection of pressed toads,” she said.

“That’s nice, dear,” said the woman, and hurried away.

“That wasn’t very funny,” said the toad from her apron.

“People don’t listen anyway,” said Tiffany.

She sat down under a tree and took the toad out of her pocket.

“The Feegles tried to steal some of our eggs and one of our sheep,” she said. “But I got them back.”

“You got something back from the Nac Mac Feegle?” said the toad. “Were they ill?”

“No. They were a bit…well, sweet, actually. They even did the chores for me.”

“The Feegle did chores?” said the toad. “They never do chores! They’re not helpful at all!”

“And then there was the headless horseman!” said Tiffany. “He had no head!”

“Well, that is the major job qualification,” said the toad.

“What’s going on, toad?” said Tiffany. “Is it the Feegles who are invading?”

The toad looked a bit shifty. “Miss Tick doesn’t really want you to handle this,” it said. “She’ll be back soon with help—”

“Is she going to be in time?” Tiffany demanded.

“I don’t know. Probably. But you shouldn’t—”

“I want to know what is happening!”

“She’s gone to get some other witches,” said the toad. “Uh…she doesn’t think you should—”

“You’d better tell me what you know, toad,” said Tiffany. “Miss Tick isn’t here. I am.”

“Another world is colliding with this one,” said the toad. “There. Happy now? That’s what Miss Tick thinks. But it’s happening faster than she expected. All the monsters are coming back.”

“Why?”

“There’s no one to stop them.”

There was silence for a moment.

“There’s me,” said Tiffany.

CHAPTER 4

The Wee Free Men

Nothing happened on the way back to the farm. The sky stayed blue, none of the sheep in the home paddocks appeared to be traveling backward very fast, and an air of hot emptiness lay over everything.

Ratbag was on the path leading up to the back door, and he had something trapped in his paws. As soon as he saw Tiffany, he picked it up and exited around the corner of the house urgently, legs spinning in the high-speed slink of a guilty cat. Tiffany was too good a shot with a clod of earth.