Monstrous Regiment (Discworld 31)

We've talked about that, Polly thought. "Could be."

"Might be quite hard if there's a lot of men..." said Betty, a woman with something on her mind.

"Well, if we get as far as the prisoners and ask around they'll be bound to know his name. What is it?"

"Johnny," whispered Betty.

"Just Johnny?" said Polly.

"Er... yes..."

Ah, Polly thought. I think I know how this goes...

"He's got fair hair and blue eyes, and I think he had one gold earring, and... and a funny-shaped... what d'you call it? Oh, yes... sort of carbuncle on his, his... bottom."

"Right. Right."

"Um... now I come to tell someone, it doesn't sound very helpful, I suppose."

Not unless we're in a position to have a very unusual identity parade, Polly thought, and I can't imagine what position that would be.

"Not as such," she said.

"He said everyone in the regiment knows him," Betty went on.

"Right? Oh, good," said Polly. "All we need to do is ask."

"And, er, we were going to break a sixpence in half, you know, like they do, so that if he had to be away for years we'd be sure we'd got the right person 'cos the two halves would match..."

"Oh, that would be a bit of a help, I expect."

"Well, yes, except, well, I gave him the sixpence, and he said he'd get the blacksmith to break it in his vice, and he went off and, er, I think he got called away..." Betty's voice trailed off.

Well, that was about what I expected, Polly thought.

"I expect you think I'm a silly girl," mumbled Betty after a while.

"A foolish woman, perhaps," said Polly, turning to watch the landscape intently.

"It was, you know a whirlwind romance..."

"Sounds more like a hurricane to me," said Polly, and Betty grinned.

"Yes, it was a bit like that," she said.

Polly matched smile for smile. "Betty, it's daft to talk about silly and foolish at a time like this," she said. "Where are we going to look for wisdom? To a god who hates jigsaws and the colour blue? A fossil government led by a picture? An army that thinks stubbornness is the same as courage? Compared to all that, all you've got wrong is timing!"

"I don't want to end up in the School, though," said Betty. "They took away a girl from our village and she was kicking and screaming - "

"Then fight them!" said Polly. "You've got a sword now, haven't you? Fight back!" She saw the look of horror on Betty's face, and remembered that this wasn't Tonker she was talking to. "Look, if we get out of this alive we'll talk to the colonel. He might be able to help." After all, perhaps your boy really was called Johnny, she thought, perhaps he really was called away suddenly. Hope is a wonderful thing. She went on: "If we get out of this, there's going to be no School and no beatings. Not for you or any of us. Not if we've got brains. Not if we're smart."

Betty was almost in tears, but she managed another smile. "And Wazzer's talking to the Duchess, too. She'll fix things!"

Polly stared out at the bright, unchanging landscape, empty except for a buzzard making wide circles in the forbidden blue.

"I'm not sure about that," she said. "But someone up there likes us."

Twilight was brief at this time of year. There had been no sign from Blouse.