Monstrous Regiment (Discworld 31)

"Vimes? The Butcher?" said Polly.

"He's a duke, Otto says. But not like ours. Otto says he's never seen him butcher anybody. Otto's a Black Ribboner, like me. He wouldn't lie to a fellow Ribboner. And he says that picture he took is going on the clacks from the nearest tower tonight. It will be in the paper of news tomorrow! And they print a copy here!"

"How can you send a picture on the clacks?" said Polly. "I know people who've seen them. It's just a lot of boxes on a tower that go clack-clack!"

"Ah, Otto explained that to me, too," said Maladict. "It's very ingenious."

"How does it work, then?"

"Oh, I didn't understand what he said. It was all about... numbers. But it certainly sounded very clever. Anyway, de Worde just told the lieu - the rupert that news about a bunch of boys beating up experienced soldiers would certainly make people sit up and take notice!"

The squad looked at one another sheepishly.

"It was a bit of a fluke, and anyway we had Carborundum," said Tonker.

"And I used trickery," said Polly. "I mean, I couldn't do it twice."

"So what?" said Maladict. "We did it. The squad did it! Next time we'll do it differently!"

"Yeah!" said Tonker. And there was a shared moment of exhilaration in which they were capable of anything. It lasted all of... a moment.

"But it won't work," said Shufti. "We've just been lucky. You know it won't work, Maladict. You all know it won't work, right?"

"Well, I'm not saying we could, you know, take on a regiment all at once," said Maladict. "And the lieu - rupert might be a bit wet. But we could help make a difference. Old Jackrum knows what he's doing - "

"Upon my oath I am not a violent man... whack!" sniggered Tonker, and there were a few... yes, giggles, they were giggles, Polly knew, from the squad.

"No, you're not," said Shufti flatly. "None of us are, right? Because we're girls."

There was a dead silence.

"Well, not Carborundum and Ozzer, okay," Shufti went on, as if the silence was sucking unwilling words out of her. "And I'm not sure about Maladict and Igor. But I know the rest of us are, right? I've got eyes, I've got ears, I've got a brain. Right?"

In the silence there was the slow rumble that preceded a pronouncement from Carborundum.

"If it any help," she said, in a voice suddenly more sandy than gravelly, "my real name's Jade."

Polly felt questing eyes boring into her. She was embarrassed, of course. But not for the obvious reason. It was for the other one, the little lesson that life sometimes rams home with a stick: you are not the only one watching the world. Other people are people; while you watch them they watch you, and they think about you while you think about them. The world isn't just about you.

There was going to be no possibility of getting out of this. And, in a way, it was a relief.

"Polly," she said, almost in a whisper.

She looked questioningly at Maladict, who smiled in a distinctly non-committal way. "Is this the time?" he said.

"All right, you lot, what're you standing about for?" bawled Jackrum, six inches from the back of Maladict's head. No one saw him arrive there; he moved with an NCO's stealth, which sometimes mystifies even Igors.

Maladict's smile didn't change. "Why, we're awaiting your orders, sergeant," he said, turning round.

"D'you think you're clever, Maladict?"

"Um... yes, sarge. Quite clever," the vampire conceded.

There wasn't a lot of humour in Jackrum's smile. "Good. Glad to hear it. Don't want another stupid corporal. Yeah, I know you ain't even a proper private yet, but glory be, you're a corporal now 'cos I need one and you're the snappiest dresser. Get some stripes from Threeparts. The rest of you... this isn't a bleedin' mothers' meeting, we're leaving in five minutes. Move!"

"But the prisoners, sarge - " Polly began, still trying to digest the revelation.

"We're goin' to drag 'em over to the inn an' leave 'em tied up in the nood, and shackled together," said Jackrum. "Vicious little devil when he's roused, our rupert, eh? And Threeparts is having their boots and horses. They won't be going too far for a while, not in the nood."