Thud! (Discworld 34)

the time to say things like "Hi, Big Man!" and slap him on the back.

The world had turned for A. E. Pessimal.

"Might I enquire, Vimes, why one of my most conscientious and

most decidedly civilian clerks was in a position to do this?"

Vimes shifted uncomfortably. "He was inspecting. Learning all

about us, sir." He gave Vetinari the look which said: if you take this

any further I will have to lie.

Vetinari returned one which said: I know.

"You yourself are not too badly injured?" the Patrician said aloud. "Just a few scratches, sir," said Vimes.

Vetinari gave him a look which said: broken ribs, I"m certain of it.

Vimes returned one which said: nothing.

Vetinari wandered over to the window and stared down at the waking city. He didn"t speak for some time, and then let out a sigh.

"Such a shame, I think, that so many of them were born here," he said.

Vimes stuck with saying nothing. It generally sufficed.

"Perhaps I should have taken action against that wretched dwarf" Vetinari went on.

"Yes, sir."

"You think so? A wise ruler thinks twice before directing violence against someone because he does not approve of what they say."

Once again, Vimes did not comment. He himself directed violence daily and with a certain amount of enthusiasm against people because he didn"t approve of them saying things like "Give me all your money" or "What are you going to do about it, copper?" But perhaps rulers had to think differently. Instead he said: "Someone else didn"t, sir."

"Thank you for that, Vimes," said the Patrician, turning round sharply. "And have you found out who they are yet?"

"Investigations are continuing, sir. Last night"s affair got in the way.

"Is there any evidence that it was a troll?,

"There is ... puzzling evidence, sir. We are ... assembling a jigsaw, you might say." Except that we haven"t got any of the edges and it"d help if we had the lid of the box, he added to himself. And, because Vetinari"s face bore a hungry look, Vimes continued aloud: "If you"re expecting me to pull a magic rabbit out of my helmet, sir, it"ll be a cooked one. The dwarfs are certain it was a troll. There"s a thousand years of history telling them. They don"t need proof. And the trolls don"t think it was a troll but probably wish it was. This isn"t about a murder, sir. Something inside "em"s gone click and it"s time for all good men - well, you know what I mean - to fight Koom Valley all over again. Something else is going on in that mine, I know it. Something bigger than murder. All those tunnels ... what are they for? All those lies ... I can smell lies, and the place is full of them."

"Much hangs on this, Vimes," said Vetinari. "It"s bigger than you know. I have this morning had a clacks from Rhys Rhysson, the Low King. All politicians have their enemies, of course. There are, shall we say, factions who disagree with him, his policy towards us, his conciliatory approaches to the troll clans, his stance on the whole wretched Ha"ak thing ... And now there are stories about a troll killing a grag and, yes, rumours that the Watch has threatened the dwarfs ...

Vetinari held up a pale hand as Vimes opened his mouth to protest.

"We need to know the truth, Vimes. Commander Sam Vimes"s truth. It may count for more than you think. In the Plains, certainly, and much further. People know about you, commander. Descendant of a watchman who believed that if a corrupted court will not behead an evil king, then the watchman should do it himself-"

"It was only one king," Vimes protested.

"Sam Vimes once arrested me for treason," said Vetinari calmly. "And Sam Vimes once arrested a dragon. Sam Vimes stopped a war between nations by arresting two high commands. He"s an arresting fellow, Sam Vimes. Sam Vimes killed a werewolf with his bare hands, and carries law with him like a lamp-"

"Where did all that come from?"

"Watchmen across half the continent will say that Sam Vimes is as straight as an arrow, can"t be corrupted, won"t be turned, never took a bribe. Listen to me. If Rhys falls, the next Low King will not be one who is prepared to talk to the trolls. Can I make it simple for you? Those clans whose leaders have been dealing with Rhys will in all likelihood feel they have been made fools of, overthrow said leaders and replace them with trolls too belligerent and stupid to be fools. And there will be a war, Vimes. It"ll come here. It won"t be a gang crumble such as you thwarted last night. We won"t be able to hold fast or stand aloof. Because we have our own fools, Vimes, as I"m sure you know, who"ll insist we pick sides. Koom Valley will be everywhere. Find me a murderer, Vimes. Hound them down and

bring them into the daylight. Troll or dwarf or human, it doesn"t matter. Then at least we shall have the truth, and can make use of it. It is rumour and uncertainty that is our enemy now. The Low King"s throne trembles, Vimes, and thus do the foundations of the world."