Making Money (Discworld 36)

'That's great!' said Moist, feeling that it was the least he could do.

'Does Miss Dearheart want to see the item again?' said Ponder, lowering his voice. Adora Belle still had a faraway look in her eyes.

'I think so,' said Moist. 'She's very big on golems.'

'We were about to fold up for today in any case,' said Ponder. 'It won't hurt to pick up the Foot on the way'

He took a large megaphone from a bench and held it to his lips.

'THE CABINET CLOSES IN THREE MINUTES, GENTLEMEN. ALL RESEARCHERS INSIDE THE SAFETY AREA NOW, PLEASE. BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!'

'Be there or be square?' said Moist, as Ponder lowered the megaphone.

'Oh, a couple of years ago someone ignored the warning and, um, when the Cabinet folded up he temporarily became a curiosity'

'You mean he ended up inside a fourteen-inch cube?' said Moist, horrified.

'Mostly. Look, we really would be very happy if you didn't tell anyone about the Cabinet, thank you. We know how to use it, we think, but it might not be the way it was intended to be used. We don't know what it's for, as you put it, or who built it or even if they are completely the wrong questions to ask. Nothing in it is bigger than about fourteen inches square, but we don't know why this is or who it is who decides they are curious, or why, and we certainly don't know why it contains nothing pink. It's all very embarrassing. I'm sure you can keep a secret, Mr Lipwig?'

'You'd be amazed.'

'Oh? Why?'

'That's the wrong kind of question.'

'You do know something quite important about the Cabinet,' said Adora Belle, apparently waking up. 'You know it wasn't built for or by a girl between the ages of four and, oh, eleven years old.'

'How do we know that?'

'No pink. Trust me. No girl in that age group would leave out pink.'

'Are you sure? That's wonderful!' said Ponder, making a note on his clipboard. 'That's certainly worth knowing. Let's get the Foot, then, shall we?'

The broomstick-riding wizards had touched down now. Ponder cleared his throat and picked up the megaphone. 'ALL DOWN? WONDERFUL. HEX  -  BE SO GOOD AS TO FOLD, PLEASE!'

There was silence for a while, and then a distant clattering noise began to grow, up near the ceiling. It sounded like gods shuffling wooden playing cards that happened to be a mile high.

'Hex is our thinking engine,' said Ponder. 'We'd hardly be able to explore the box at all without him.'

The clattering was becoming louder and faster.

'You might find your ears aching,' said Ponder, raising his voice. 'Hex tries to control the speed, but it takes finite time for the ventilators to get air back into the room. THE VOLUME OF THE CABINET CHANGES VERY FAST, YOU SEE!'

This was shouted against the thunder of collapsing drawers. They slammed in on themselves far too fast for the human eye to follow as the edifice shrank and folded and slid and rattled down into house size, shed size and, finally, in the middle of the huge space  -  unless it was some kind of time  -  became a small polished cabinet, about a foot and a half on a side, standing on four beautifully carved legs.

The Cabinet's doors clicked shut.

'Slowly unfold to specimen 1,109,' said Ponder, in the ringing silence.

The doors opened. A deep drawer slid out.

It went on sliding.

'Just follow me,' said Ponder, strolling towards the Cabinet. 'It's fairly safe.'

'Er, a drawer about a hundred yards long has just slid out of a box about fourteen inches square,' said Moist, in case he was the only one to notice.

'Yes. That's what happens,' said Ponder, as the drawer slid back about halfway. Its side, Moist saw, was a line of drawers. So drawers opened... out of drawers. Of course, Moist thought, in eleven-dimensional space that was the wrong thing to think.