Unseen Academicals (Discworld 37)

'Oh, and Miss Glenda, isn't it?' said the Archchancellor happily. 'Good to see you up here. Very useful young lady, Mrs Whitlow. Got initiative, fine grasp of things.'

'How kind of you to say so. She is one of my best girls,' said the housekeeper, spitting teeth and taking care not to meet Glenda's suddenly cherubic gaze.

'Big chandelier not lit, I see,' said Ridcully.

Glenda stepped forward. 'Mister Nutt is planning a surprise for us, sir.'

'Mister Nutt is full of surprises. We've had an amazing day here today, Miss Glenda,' said Ridcully. 'Our Mister Nutt has been teaching the lads to play football his way. Do you know what he did yesterday? You'll never guess. Tell them, Mister Nutt.'

'I took them along to the Royal Opera House to watch the dancers in training,' said Nutt nervously. 'You see, it is very important that they learn the skills of movement and poise.'

'And then when they came back,' said Ridcully, with the same, slightly threatening joviality, 'he had them playin' here in the Hall blindfolded.'

Nutt coughed nervously. 'It is vital for them to keep track of every other player,' he said. 'It is essential that they are a team.'

'And then he took them to see Lord Rust's hunting dogs.'

Nutt coughed again, even more embarrassed. 'When they hunt, every dog knows the position of every other dog. I wanted them to understand the duality of team and player. The strength of the player is the team and the strength of the team is the player.'

'Did you hear that?' said Ridcully. 'Great stuff! Oh, he's had them running up and down here all day long. Balancing balls on their heads, doing big diagrams on a blackboard. You'd think it was some kind of battle being planned.'

'It is a battle,' said Nutt. 'I mean, not with the opposing team, as such, but it is a battle between every man and himself.'

'That sounds very Uberwaldian,' said Ridcully. 'Still, they all seem full of vim and vigour and ready for the evening. I think Mister Nutt is planning one of those sunny luminair things.'

'Just a little something to capture people's attention,' said Nutt.

'Anything going to go off bang?' said Ridcully.

'No, sir.'

'Promise? Personally I like the occasional bit of Sturm and Drang, but Lord Vetinari is a tad particular about that sort of thing.'

'No thunder and lightning, sir. Possibly a brief haze, high up.'

It seemed to Glenda that the Archchancellor was paying some thoughtful attention to Nutt.

'How many languages do you speak, you... Nutt?'

'Three dead and twelve living, sir,' said Nutt.

'Really. Really,' said Ridcully, as though filing this away and trying not to think How many of them were alive before you murdered them? 'Well done. Thank you, Mister Nutt, and you too, ladies. We will bring them in shortly.'

Glenda took this opportunity to get out of Mrs Whitlow's way. She was not pleased to see that Trev and Juliet had already taken a slightly earlier opportunity to get out of hers.

'Do not worry about Juliet,' said Nutt, who had followed her.

'Who said I was worried?' Glenda snapped.

'You did. Your expression, your stance, the set of your body, your... reactions, your tone of voice. Everything.'

'You have no business to be looking at my everything¨CI mean the set of my body!'

'It is simply the way you stand, Miss Glenda.'

'And you can read my mind?'

'It may appear that way. I am so sorry.'