New York Rain

“Please Harold talk to him, he’ll listen to you.” She had begged him.

Harold has always wanted to tell her exactly how he felt about her and he used this time well. “Nope Shelly, I can’t do that. See I know you only want his money. I know that you’ve simply been hoping he would die and you’d get his money. But that’s not going to happen. You know why?” He had stopped to give her a second to respond, but she had only looked at him.

“I love your father you stupid little fucking punk. Your problem is that you want him all to yourself. You can’t share him and you never will. You would rather see him in pain then to be happy.” She had yelled at him.

“How could he love you, what are you two years older than me?” Harold had asked her, she was actually 25, which had been 3 years older than him at that point.” He had slammed the door on her face.

He heard her yelling something, but he didn’t care. He turned and walked away. His father and him did so much better on their own, she was right about that. But that was it, Harold loved his father. Now 26 years later he was looking at himself again.

Thankfully his marriage had been based on love, he knew he was lucky. His wish would have been his father to have this feeling when he had been alive. But Harold had never got to see his happy as Harold had been in his marriage.

He grew sad thinking back to Emily. He had adored her with his every fiber. Harold knew that love that theirs would be one in a lifetime. He thought back to the years of treatments he had to watch her go through.

The cancer had eaten away at her body, she had cried in pain every night at first. Nearing the end she hadn’t stopped crying in pain once. Harold felt the tears coming to his eyes as he thought of her.

“Emily I miss you so much my love. There isn’t a day that doesn’t go back that I wouldn’t wish to have with you. I so wanted to grow old with you. I can never find another like you.” He cried out.

Though it had been 10 years since her death, when he thought of it the pain was fresh like it was just yesterday. It had ripped him apart when she died; he had tried to hold on to her. Even when she was crying out and asking him “please just let me die.” Harold couldn’t let it happen, he loved her too much.

Was he being selfish? Yes but not on purpose he wasn’t trying to be. But deep down he knew it was something he shouldn’t have allowed to happen. He should have let her die in peace and with less pain. But he had tried to let her go like that and he couldn’t stand it.

With the drugs in her she would sleep all the time. He wanted to hear her voice so badly. Harold craved to hear her talk, so he had asked them to cut back the medication at first. They had tried to tell him they were giving her the minimum amount they could. “If we give her any less she’ll feel the pain again. It’s barely enough to control the pain she has. You do understand this right sir?” The doctor’s had asked him.

“Yes I understand but I miss her so much. Please just a little less okay?” Harold had asked.

They had looked at him, he knew that look. “It was the same one of disgust that Shelly had when he slammed the door in her face.

So many times in the past 10 years he had wondered why he hadn’t let her go earlier. But he knew that answer. The doctor’s had lowered the dosage on the pain shots Emily received. He could still close his eyes and imagine it. She had screamed so badly it broke his heart. Not enough for him to agree to them to giving her more pain medicine again.

“Sir please you must allow us to give her more medication. Can’t you hear her pain?” They had pleaded with him.

Harold would look at them and answer honestly. “She doesn’t scream all the time. She’s starting to look at me again. She’s even said my name.” The tears came to his eyes with the memory all of these years later.

“Sir she’s pleading with you to let her die.” They had snapped their fingers in front of his eyes trying to gain his attention.

“No if you ask me one more day I’ll fire you and she won’t get any of the drugs.” Harold had threatened. He knew with all his heart if he had to he would let her die without a drop of medicine to help her out.