Ruined (Ethan Frost 1)

Tori’s not in her usual spot on the couch, but I saw her car in the garage, so I know she must be around. After dropping my briefcase by the front door, I go in search of her. I find her sunbathing topless on the patio while the guy from across the courtyard does his best to pretend he isn’t totally skeeving on her.

She makes a grab for her bikini top when she sees me, not out of modesty—the girl has none—but because she’s practically jumping out of her skin with excitement.

“So, I went through your closet when you were at work and I’ve narrowed it down to three outfits I think should work for your date. Four, if you consent to borrowing my purple dress. ”

“Why would I borrow your purple dress? You’re a size two, I’m a size six. If I wore that, I’d look like an eggplant about to split its skin. ”

“It’s a little big on me—”

“Which means it would be too tight on me. ”

“Exactly! But in a good way. It’ll show off all those gorgeous curves of yours. Ethan won’t know what hit him. ”

“Yeah, well, the point is moot. We’re not going out. ”

“What do you mean?” For a second, she looks like a little girl who’s had her favorite teddy bear yanked from her arms. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day!”

Yeah, well, she isn’t the only one. I’d been excited—nervous and a little overwhelmed, but excited—at least until everything went to hell in that stupid meeting.

Settling down on the chaise longue next to Tori’s, I reach for her wineglass. After draining it, I tell her the whole sordid story.

When I finish, I expect her to offer me some more wine. I figure she’ll at least lead the way on some major guy-bashing before raiding the back of the freezer for some Ben and Jerry’s and watching some ridiculous rom-com. But instead she just stares at me like I’ve grown three heads. Or more. She looks so disgusted that it’s hard to tell exactly what she thinks of me. Except that it’s bad. Really bad.

“Are you kidding me?” she shrieks when she finally finds her voice. “Are you freaking kidding me?”

“What?” I know I sound defensive, but it’s hard not to be when she’s screaming in my face. “We think differently. Which is fine. I mean, he’s entitled to his point of view, his way of doing things. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it or be involved with him when I obviously don’t agree with the way he does things. I figured it was better to stop things before they ever got started than to worry about those differences later. ”

I’ve so stupefied Tori that it takes her several long seconds to close her mouth. Then several more seconds before she shakes her head and says, “You are an idiot. ”

“Why? Because I don’t jump to do Ethan Frost’s bidding? Because I’m not dying to hop into bed with him?”

“No. Because you are dying to hop into bed with him and you just sabotaged the whole thing!”

“That’s not true!”

“Really?” She sounds more exasperated than anything else. “I saw you with him last night. The way you lit up when he touched your hand or put an arm around you. I’ve never seen you like that with anyone. You want that man, so of course you take the first opportunity to run away from him. ”

“I’m not running away. I’m simply choosing not to be with him because—”

“Because of one incident that you don’t even understand. ”

“You weren’t there. ”

“No, and neither were you. Not really. Not for all the buildup that led them to that point. ” She sighs, then reaches over and pats my knee. “Look, I get it. You saw Ethan strong-arm those people and it freaked you out. Made you think of whatever happened with Miles and your dad. Maybe all of it rolled into one. But he’s not any of those people. He’s Ethan fucking Frost, the man I had to hear about for months when you were researching the internship. You worshipped him before you met him, were completely enthralled with all the things he does for charity and the environment. With how he treats his employees.

“And now you’re basically acting like he’s Satan himself, all because of one business meeting. Even though everything else—the charity, the employee benefits, his business model—are all the same as they’ve always been. ”

“You think I’m looking for flaws in him?”

“I think you’re only human. And you’re scared. It would be completely natural for you to try to find something wrong with him before you get in too deep. But I also think you jumped at the first thing you could find without giving him a chance to explain himself, simply because it was your way out. ”

I don’t say anything else, and Tori doesn’t push. She’s smart enough to know I need some processing time. I don’t think she’s right, but I do know that from the moment I mailed back that blender—with my own personal letter full of stuff—that I’ve been a nervous wreck. Completely freaked out by what my doing so implied. Seeing the way he treated Trifecta stopped my worries pretty much instantly, gave me something much bigger to focus on. Something I don’t want to see happen to anyone ever again.

But was that one meeting enough reason—enough proof—for me to shut him down the way I did? Especially when I know all the great things he’s done through the years? Or is Tori right? Did I just use that as an excuse to extricate myself from a situation I was terrified would turn sticky? I don’t know. I don’t think so, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t do it subconsciously.

Tori lets me brood for a while as she orders dinner from the Greek place down the block. But when the intercom buzzes with the delivery, she decides brooding time is officially over. She drags me inside to watch Crazy Stupid Love, and sometime between eating Greek salads, hummus, and stuffed grape leaves and discussing how awesome it would be to lick ice cream off Ryan Gosling’s abs, I get roped into helping Tori dye her hair.

Normally she gets her hair dyed at a salon over on Prospect, but I guess what she wants this time is just too wacky, because her stylist, Geoff, refused to do it for her. He’s never said no to her before, no matter how crazy the color is, and I’m a little shocked he managed to stand his ground this time.