Badly Behaved

The only thing I can do is hug her back, so I do.

I want to tell her it wasn’t her fault, that she must have been dealing with things she didn’t know how to share or maybe feared to try.

There are so many things that could have contributed to the tragedy of this morning, but we may never know what those are, and we may never understand. All we can do is love her for who she was and miss her for the girl we knew.

My chest aches, but I push it away.

Dad.

I’m seconds from a mental breakdown, ready to run.

Thankfully, her parents are flying around the corner in the next moment, pulling her into their arms.

I back away, rushing down the stairs and out the door. I don’t pause when Cali calls my name, and I don’t look around for Charles.

I charge out the front door, down the driveway and into the street, but I’m flanked, stopped dead in my tracks. All the air is lifted from my lungs, yet in a senseless twist, I somehow feel like I can finally breathe.

And I fall into him.

Ransom’s arms wrap tightly around me, barricading me into his chest. His heart thumps steadily against the palm of my hand, as if it’s speaking directly to me, reaching beyond reason and willing my body to respond. A shiver runs through me and everything boiling inside me settles in an instant, but the moment it does, my mind is triggered, panic flares, and I feel lightheaded all over again.

It’s too much.

Too many things too fast.

I don’t know how to feel and I sure as hell have no idea how to process what I am.

I’m pissed and confused and worried. I’m scared and unsure and sad.

I’m so, so sad.

Everything is out of sorts; nothing is right or fair or in line.

It’s messy.

It’s everything I never wanted.

So how is the boy holding on to me all I could ever need?

At that thought, I shove away.

He wasn’t expecting it, so I’m able to get a few steps before he’s sliding into me again.

“Jameson, don’t,” he warns.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“Yes, I should. My girl needs me, and she proved that by diving right into my arms.” He reaches for me. “Baby, come here—”

“No.” My nose begins to sting, but I clench my teeth to hold strong. “My mistake.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t do this. Don’t go backward.”

“It’s time for us to face the facts, this was fun, but that’s all it was ever supposed to be.”

“Fuck supposed to be, we’re way past that.”

“I told you what my future looked like long ago.”

“That was before your future became mine.”

A heavy ache stabs at my chest.

We both know it’s the only answer, so why is he fighting me?

“Ransom.” Raw grief coats my throat, but I don’t allow it to be heard. “It’s happening.”

“Bullshit it is,” he fires back. “Listen to me. Stop fucking doing things for the benefit of other people. Stop saving everyone else’s ass. Do what you want for you, Jameson.” He gets in my face, begging, pleading. “Get in the fucking car with me, baby. Say fuck it. Fuck your mom and fuck him.”

“And fuck your sister?” I say coldly.

Ransom’s eyes harden, but pain darkens the brilliant blue.

That was harsh, way too cruel, I know, but asking me to do such a thing as leaving Anthony is to destroy Ransom in a different way.

I could never put myself in the same category as his sister.

His blood. His family.

His face is caved, clenched tight and it’s almost enough for me to reach out and touch him, but I don’t.

“If you are standing here, trying to tell me you’re planning to go through with this garbage for me, I’m going to lose my fucking mind. I know you think caring about someone means being who they want and doing what they ask, but that’s so fucking wrong it’s not even funny.” Ransom shakes his head.

A nauseating, sinking feeling weighs down my body. “You can’t stop me.”

“Trust me when I say, I can, and I will.” He grabs my arms with firm hands, his blue eyes piercing mine. “I already knew it would be an uphill battle helping my sister, and I’ve been climbing it for almost two years now. I won’t stop, but this is about me and you.”

“This isn’t open for discussion.” I shake my head. “I told you, love kills.” Isn’t today a tragic reminder of that? “I lost my dad a long time ago, if I don’t do this, Anthony will ruin everything. I will lose my family.”

“You mean the people who have no regard for what makes you happy? Who are willing to trade you like a fucking stock?” He tilts my head up. “Don’t you get it, Trouble?” Ransom whispers, his thumb coming up to glide along my cheek. “I am your family, and you’re killing me.”