Dean (Face-Off 6)
“Yeah, I know,” she mutters. “But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that I will always have to walk in the shadow of my famous family. We became friends because of my dad. People treat me differently because of him and my older brothers. Even on campus, I’m still Nick Baldwin’s daughter. I want to be known as the captain of the women’s ice hockey team who led her team to two championships or the valedictorian of our class. That’s what matters to me. And if we were together—”
Now, I get it…
“Then, you would be the shadow of another hockey player.”
“Yes,” she says under her breath. “If we take our relationship to the next level, I’ll be Dean Crawford’s girlfriend. Not that it would be a bad thing but… Do you get what I’m trying to say? I don’t want to be an extension of someone else.”
I never considered how much Kat gets overlooked because of her family. Even I made the same mistake, but it’s also the reason we became friends.
“Do you remember the day we met?”
She smiles. “How could I forget? You thought you were so smooth.”
I lean down to whisper in her ear. “It worked, or you wouldn’t be here with me right now.”
She stills for a second and closes her eyes. “You still haven’t changed.”
I take a step back to gaze into her eyes. “I’m not the boy you met freshman year.”
“No, you’re a man.”
She finishes the rest of her Cheetos and soda. Then, she clamps her hand around my bicep, and I have to peel her cheesy fingers off me. My arm, along with my navy and white Strickland Senators shirt, is now covered with specks of orange.
“What the hell? Go wash your hands.”
Kat laughs. “That’s
one thing that hasn’t changed about you. You’re still a neat freak. And a germaphobe.”
I brush the cheesy bits off my shirt, giving her the evil eye. “There’s nothing wrong with liking things clean and in a certain order.”
She removes her cell phone from her pocket to check the time. “You have me for another ten minutes.”
An hour with Kat, after all this time apart, wasn’t enough. But it will have to do for now.
“Let’s just go,” Kat says. “It takes ten minutes to walk back to Jefferson Hall.”
“I could help you study,” I offer.
She shakes her head. “Nah, I’m good. Silvia already has our flashcards written out.”
Once our feet hit the sidewalk out front of the SAC, my stomach knots. The short walk to her dormitory is not enough to make up for the time we missed.
“You know, we don’t have to make things weird between us, Kitten. We can go back to normal. I don’t want you to slip away from me.”
She threads her fingers between mine. “I’m right here, Dean.”
“Then, why does it feel like you’re pushing me away on purpose? You never let exams or anything come between us before. I’ve helped you study for most of your tests, not Silvia.”
“Are you jealous of Silvia? If you are, you shouldn’t be.”
“No. But I want to be here for you, and you won’t let me.”
She stops walking once we reach the library and turns around to face me. “Do you want me to lie and tell you that things are the same? You know they’re not. Do you have any idea how hard this is for me? I hate saying goodbye. I’ve done it all of my life my with my dad. He’s never around long before he has to leave again. I can’t take the pain of being apart from you. I’m not dealing with any of this well. I know I’m not. And I’m sorry for pushing you away. It’s not the same as the last three years. This time, it’s different… permanent. Eventually, you’ll leave for an NHL team. And where will that leave us?”
“I won’t accept that, Kat. We can spend the time we have left together. It doesn’t have to be like this. I’ll see you in July for the Draft. Maybe the Blackhawks will pick me. Why do we have to make a decision right now? Why can’t we wait until after we know where we stand to figure out what to do about us? About that kiss. About how I feel about you.”
“There’s no point in setting ourselves up for failure,” she says without hesitation. “We want different things.”