For Better for Worse

‘Career-wise, it’s what I’ve always wanted. There’s no denying that as jobs go this one is the top of the tree, and not just because of the financial advantages. American designers in particular pay far more attention to the kind of reviews a magazine like Fashion gives them than their European counterparts. They need it for their ready-to-wear collections, of course, and…’ She gave a small shrug. ‘All in all I’d be a fool not to snap their hand off.’

‘So what’s stopping you?’ Eleanor asked her.

The arched eyebrows rose, the intelligent dark eyes wryly self-contemptuous. ‘Need you ask?’

‘A man?’ Eleanor questioned her.

‘The man,’ Jade corrected her. ‘And there happens to be a problem.’

‘He’s married,’ Eleanor guessed.

Jade shook her head.

‘Nope. That wouldn’t be a problem. No, the problem is that he doesn’t know that he’s the man, and I’m not sure he will want to know it. And he’s ten years younger than I am.’

Eleanor looked at her.

‘So? You’ve dated younger men before.’

‘Dated them, yes, but this one I want for keeps, Nell. And I’m not sure if that’s what he wants. I’ve reached an age when my dignity has become very important to me. I could throw caution to the winds, tell him how I feel, ask him to go to New York with me. He’s a photographer, a very talented one in fact and it certainly wouldn’t do his career any harm to make that kind of move; far from it.’ She made a small face. ‘That’s how we met, of course. Very predictable. Someone recommended him to me, so I took him on for a shoot, as a stand-in for someone else as a matter of fact. He’s no fool. Up-and-coming photographers fight to the death for the kind of commissions I could put his way.

‘I’m already getting as jealous as hell every time he does a modelling assignment, Nell. You know what I’m like… possessive as anything and paranoid with it. I’m not sure if I can take the kind of pressure I’ll be putting myself under if I get any further involved with him. If I take on this job it’s going to need all my time… all my attention… all my energy, and yet the thought of ending it, leaving him behind…’

Eleanor saw the sharp sparkle of tears in her eyes and reached out across the table to cover her hand with her own.

‘Why don’t you tell him all this and not me?’ she suggested gently. ‘Let him make up his own mind, Jade.’

‘And if he rejects me?’ Her mouth twisted. ‘I don’t think I can take that. Oh, God, Nell, why are we like this… screwing up our lives over men… sex… cursed by our own hormones almost from the first second of our birth? Do you know, I was reading this book the other day which claims that women are programmed for failure right from the moment of conception, that only those with an unusual amount of testosterone actually have what it takes to succeed.’

‘Doesn’t that depend on how you measure success?’ Eleanor challenged her. ‘If you measure it by men’s standards, then yes, I suppose we are, but why should it be? Why don’t we judge men by our standards instead?’

‘Take control of the power? Mmm… Men don’t like it, though, do they? Look what happened to Margaret Thatcher and Boadicea.’

‘Boadicea… what?’

Eleanor broke off as their meal was served and before she could pick up the thread of their earlier conversation, Jade had changed the subject, reverting to the question she had asked her earlier.

‘Everything’s fine,’ Eleanor assured her and then pulled a face. ‘Well, sort of. Louise and I have come to the parting of the ways. She and Paul are moving to France and—’

‘Are they? That’s a bit unexpected, isn’t it?’

‘Paul’s decision. He thinks it will be a better environment for the boys; that they’ll be better integrated into the European Community and so on. He considers that Britain is destined to become an economic backwater. I must admit that it did come as a bit of a shock, though. However, I’m rather pleased in a way. It means that I’ll have to work at home, so I’ll be able to spend more time with my two. We’ll have to move, of course. Not that I mind that. I’ve always wanted to live somewhere more rural.’

‘Rural?’ The dark eyebrows lifted again as Jade stared at her, her expression clearing as she exclaimed, ‘Oh, you mean somewhere like Hampstead.’

Eleanor laughed. ‘No. I mean the country, proper country, Jade. You know, as in green fields and—’

‘Yes, I know,’ Jade agreed, shuddering as she interrupted her. ‘Rain, mud, boredom, more rain, more mud. I grew up there, I know. You can’t be serious.’

‘I am,’ Eleanor assured her quietly. ‘We need more space. We… I need to be able to breathe. The Chelsea house is beautiful, but there certainly isn’t the space for me to work there; there isn’t even really room for us all to live there. The boys and Marcus’s daughter, especially Vanessa, just don’t get on. In fact Vanessa…’

‘Ah, Vanessa. Stepdaughters are hell, aren’t they? Especially teenage stepdaughters. I know, I was one. I can understand your feeling you need more space, but moving to the country… Don’t tell me you’ve fallen into this ridiculous “let’s get back to nature” trap? Viewed through rose-tinted glasses from the safety of a city apartment, the country is fine, but living there… And what about Marcus? Somehow I just can’t see him as the country type… or wearing green wellies.’

‘You haven’t seen the house,’ Eleanor told her stubbornly. ‘It’s everything I’ve always wanted. Solid, permanent… a proper home, J…’

‘A proper home for a proper family, presided over by a proper mother. Is that really what you want to be, Nell? Don’t tell me you’re falling for that media myth.’

‘I feel I owe it to the boys. I don’t want them to look back on their childhood with the same unhappiness I had in mine,’ Eleanor told her defensively, ignoring her derisive comment.