Sempre (Sempre 1)
“If you even look at her again,” he spat, “I’ll fucking kill you!”
Haven gasped and ran into her room, locking the door behind her.
* * *
The pounding on the door vibrated the walls, ripping Haven back to another time.
Bang. Bang. Bang. Haven lay huddled in the corner stable, covering her ears, but it did nothing to muffle the sounds. She didn’t know what was happening—her mama was gone when the banging woke her up.
Bang. Bang. Bang. It grew louder with time. Where was her mama? Haven squeezed her eyes shut, counting in her head to make it go away. She made it to six before she lost her place, starting over but never reaching ten.
Bang. Bang. Bang. There was whimpering and crying, but it didn’t come from her. It felt startlingly close but so far away, a place Haven couldn’t reach in the darkness.
Bang. Bang. Bang. She heard the voice then, malicious and low. He hissed like a snake as he spoke the scathing words, “If you tell anyone, I’ll fucking kill you.” She didn’t know who said it or what they shouldn’t tell, but the crying grew louder at the sound of them. “I promise I won’t,” another voice spoke, this one heartbreakingly familiar. “Just please—I beg you—leave my baby girl alone.”
Bang. Bang. Bang. It faded, but the silence did nothing to comfort her. She opened her eyes, hoping it was a nightmare, but the first thing she saw was her monster’s vicious face. He stood just outside the stall, buckling his pants as he ogled her.
Her stomach felt as mangled as her monster’s deformed skin. Her chest ached from crying, a void deep inside her. Her mama came back that night, trembling as she hugged her, but she wasn’t there now to calm Haven’s fears.
“Haven?” Carmine’s voice was soft, his banging now a subtle tap on the door. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
14
Vibrant red blood splattered the white wall in the library. Haven was cleaning it with a rag when Carmine’s bedroom door opened. Disheveled, he glared at her. “What are you doing? You shouldn’t be doing that!”
He snatched the rag from her hand as her eyes welled with tears. Overwhelmed and exhausted, she couldn’t take him looking at her that way, disgust and anger shining from his eyes. His hand flew in her direction and she recoiled, moving out of his reach. She stumbled and plopped down on the floor.
His face clouded with confusion as he dropped his hand. “I can’t get anything right with you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, not understanding. She was only trying to clean up the blood.
He groaned, throwing the rag down as his voice rose with passion. “You’re sorry? For what? Ciò è scopare pazzesco! I’m gonna lose my mind if we don’t stop doing this dance!”
Dance? “What are you talking about?”
He grabbed her arm, and the zap of tingles coursed through her. She wondered why he was touching her, an irrational part of her wishing he’d never stop. When he touched her, she didn’t feel so alone. When he touched her, she felt alive for once.
“Tell me you don’t feel that, and I’ll back off.”
She stared at his hand. “You feel it too?”
“Of course I feel it. I kissed you last night!”
She blinked a few times. “But I kissed you. I shouldn’t have, because you told me you didn’t . . .”
“You barely grazed my lips. I practically assaulted your mouth.” He shook his head. “And you’re right—I don’t do that, which is what makes it so crazy. I’ve been trying to tell you that.”
He ran his fingers through his unkempt hair as he stared at her, his eyes imploring her, but for what she didn’t understand. “Tell me what?”
Her question was met with silence. He slumped against the wall and brought his knees up, wrapping his arms around them. “I would’ve cleaned up the blood,” he said. “I caused it.”
“Was the boy okay?”
“He’s like a cockroach. I could cut his head off, and he’d still run around.”
She sighed at his unwillingness to give her a straight answer. “I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but I don’t like people being hurt because of me. If you want to blame anyone, blame me. Punish me. But please don’t keep hurting them. They didn’t do anything.”
He stared at her, his mouth hanging open. “You think I look at you that way?”