Sempre (Sempre 1)
Haven’s cheeks reddened as they looked at her. “Uh, I don’t know about that, sir.”
“Don’t underestimate yourself. I certainly don’t.” Haven stared at him, unsure of what he meant, but he looked away without elaborating. “I have stuff to do, so I probably won’t be home until tomorrow. Have a good night.”
He walked out, an awkward silence lingering in his wake.
“That was fucking weird,” Carmine said before turning to his brother. “And get your damn arm off my girl before I break it.”
Dominic leaned in her direction again. “Told you he was jealous.”
“Whatever,” Carmine said. “And what’s wrong with you? Who would win in a fight? What kinda question is that?”
“It was a good one,” Dominic said. “But why are you mad? He picked your girl, not mine.”
* * *
They were listening to music later that night when Carmine blurted out something that caught Haven off guard: “What do you want for Christmas?”
What did she want? She had never thought about it. “I don’t expect anything.”
“Well, you’re getting something.”
“But I can’t get you a present.”
“You already gave me my present, Haven. You. Best gift ever.”
She sighed as he lay down beside her. “I still wish I could buy you something.”
“I don’t need anything,” he said, “but there will be plenty more holidays in the future for you to spoil me rotten.”
Hope swelled through her. Christmases. Presents. A future. It was all too much to fathom. “Do you guys have big celebrations?”
“We used to when I was young, but now it’s just us. My aunt Celia always comes for a few days. Other than her and her husband, we don’t have any family. My grandfather’s dead, and we don’t see my grandmother. She has dementia or something. I don’t really know.”
“What about your mama’s family?”
He was quiet. She wondered if she had asked the wrong question, but he finally spoke in a soft voice. “I don’t know of any. She immigrated here.”
“Have you thought about finding them?”
“No,” he said. “They never came looking for my mom, never wondered what happened to her, so why should I care about them? Hell, I didn’t know she was born in Ireland until I saw a stack of government papers in my father’s office a few years ago.”
“Does it make you sad that you don’t have a big family?”
He shrugged. “I don’t really think about it. I figure I have enough.”
“I used to dream about having a big family,” Haven said. “I used to pretend like I had one. Mama said I was always having conversations with imaginary people. I used to even talk to an angel.”
“Like with wings and a halo and shit?”
“That kind of angel, yes, but she didn’t have any of that,” she said. “Mama said angels watched over me and someday I’d be one, so I imagined them as people. My angel told me about life. She said I could be free like her when I grew up and have anything I wanted. I guess she didn’t want to crush me with the truth.”
Carmine pulled her closer to him, burying his face in her hair. Despite it being early, Haven was exhausted. She was on the brink of falling asleep when she heard Carmine’s quiet voice. “You can have a big family, colibri. She wasn’t lying to you.”
22
When he was growing up, Christmas had been Carmine’s favorite time of year. He loved everything about the holiday—watching Rudolph and Frosty and It’s a Wonderful Life, singing Christmas carols and playing Jingle Bells on the piano. Magical was the only way Carmine could describe it, but even that word didn’t do the experience justice.
After his mom died, though, it changed. He lost interest in most things in life, but especially holidays. Christmas reminded him of her, and all he felt after she was gone was grief.