Sempre (Sempre 1)
Nicholas looked at him suspiciously. “What are you doing here? You know you aren’t allowed.”
“I know,” he said. “You can press charges if you want. I just need to talk to her.”
“If she wanted to talk to you, she would’ve gone to you. Can’t you give her some space?”
Carmine ran his hands down his face in frustration. “It’s important. I’ll leave, I will, but I need to talk to her first.” He focused his attention on Haven. “Please, hummingbird?”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“You don’t have to,” Nicholas said. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Carmine glared at him but kept his mouth shut as Haven replied. “I know.”
Nicholas glanced between them before gently rubbing Haven’s arm. “Take care. You know how to reach me if you need me.”
Her eyes nervously flitted to Carmine as she said good-bye. He started toward Haven after Nicholas walked away. “I know what you found.”
A horrified expression flashed across her face. “Oh God.”
She looked like she wanted to run from him again, so he reached out to stop her. “I already knew it was you. I’ve known for a few months.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I was trying to protect you. I didn’t see the point in telling you.”
“Your mama died because of me, and you didn’t see the point? I destroyed your life, Carmine!”
“Christ, you were just a little girl. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I took your mama from you.”
“No, you didn’t. The person who pulled the trigger took her.”
“You’re wrong.” She wiped her tears away. “How can you look at me? How could you love me after that?”
“How can I not? I’d die for you, so how could I blame you for my mom feeling the same way?”
“It shouldn’t have happened,” she said. “I’m not worth it.”
“Don’t say shit like that. You can’t shut down and pull away from everything.”
“But you said—”
He cut her off before she could repeat the things he had said. “I was angry. We all do shit when we’re upset we don’t mean. I’ve lost too much as it is. I don’t want to lose you too.” She choked back a sob as he pulled her into a hug. “Fuck, tesoro. I don’t know how we’re gonna get over this, but we need to find a way. I’m miserable without you.”
He held her, comforted by having her in his arms again. She pulled from his embrace as her crying slowed and peered at him. “I’m sorry if I hurt you by talking to Nicholas. It’s just . . . no matter his reasons, he went out of his way to try to make me laugh.”
While Carmine questioned Nicholas’s motives, he realized, as he stood there, that everyone had been right. He needed to respect her decisions; he had to let her make mistakes. “You know he fucking hates me.”
“He’s angry, but he doesn’t hate you. I think he misses you.”
He laughed bitterly. “He says bad shit about me.”
“He does, but like you said—we say things we don’t mean when we’re hurt. The two of you used to be close, and now you have me, but who does Nicholas have? I understand why he doesn’t want to accept you’ve changed, because he hasn’t. He doesn’t want to believe you’re not the same, because that means he really is alone. He lost his only friend.”
* * *
Heaps of paperwork surrounded Vincent. He’d been sitting there for hours trying to get it knocked down, but he couldn’t focus. He was exhausted, and everything was falling apart.