Gods & Monsters

On the phone, I can see two people, a golden-haired man and a dark-haired woman with a huge smile. They look young and so happy against the entire backdrop of New York City and the setting sun. Abel tells me that they are on top of the Empire State Building. They look so in love.

I already knew that I could never hate them. I never did. But now I think I’m falling a little in love with their love story.

Does that make me gross or weird?

Maybe.

I hug him. My Abel.

If it makes me weird, then so be it.

Beside me there’s a boy who came from them and who misses them, and I love him. There’s no choice but to love his parents and their love.

His body’s tight and feels so fragile, like he’ll break any second. In the setting sun, his hair looks exactly like his dad’s.

“What do you think happens to people when they die?” he asks, with an aching, lonely voice. Somehow it still manages to echo inside the treehouse.

I get even closer to him, plastering the side of my body to his. “Maybe they become stars.”

We both look up and see the tiny strip of orange sky through the gap in the roof.

“Yeah? You don’t think they just… vanish? Become worm food?”

“No.” I move my eyes away from the sky and look up at him. “I know you don’t believe in God or anything like that, but what if there is one? What if the way we met, the way we fell in love… It was all because of Him and your parents. Maybe they are watching us right now, waiting for us to figure everything out. They could be rooting for us, you know.”

“Or maybe stars are just stars and God’s dead. And I have to figure it out on my own how to keep my goddess forever.”

“You’re an idiot.” I roll my eyes, even as I kiss his chest. God, that’s really firm and hard and warm. When will I grow the courage to kiss it without his shirt?

Well, now is not the time. I continue, “If I’m your goddess, then I grant you your wish. You can have me forever.”

“Yeah? You’re not kidding?”

“Nope.” I wave my hand over his head and jiggle my fingers. “Wish granted.”

“Good. Now I just need to find a ring.”

“What?”

“Well, you’ll need a ring now that we’re engaged.”

It takes me a couple of seconds to really get what he means. And then, I’m jumping out of his hold and looking at him with popped-out eyes. “Engaged?”

“Yeah. Isn’t that what forever means? Engaged to be married.”

“What?” I screech. “We’re not engaged!”

“Well, what do you think forever means then?”

“I-I meant…” I’m sputtering, glancing around the space. This is the case of hyperventilation all over again. How can he say that? He never even asked me to marry him. Also, um… aren’t we a little too young to think about this? I mean, I’m freaking fourteen and he’s no better off either at sixteen.

Like always, he uses his size to intimidate me. He sits up straight, towering over me, and tangles his fingers in my hair. He has a weird fascination with it. He’s always playing with the strands, messing them up, even though I tell him no every time. Well, I secretly want him to so I don’t mind it that much.

“What did you mean, Pixie?”

I crane my neck to meet his eyes. “I meant… You never asked me. You’re supposed to ask. It’s the girlfriend thing again.”

He rubs his parted lips over mine. “I keep fucking it up, don’t I?”

“Yes,” I gasp at the slickness of our mouths. Our lips are practically slipping over each other.

I whimper. It’s a foreign sound. Have I ever whimpered before? I can’t recall right now. But all I want to do is whimper and moan and make sounds I don’t remember making.

Abel’s eyes are all liquid again; his breaths are warmer than usual. “So then, will you marry me, Pixie?”

Ugh. No.

Right? Right?

Why is this so exciting?

Moving my lips away, I poke my finger in his chest. “No, and this time, I mean it. We’re not talking about this right now. We shouldn’t even be thinking about this.” He opens his mouth to say something but I stop him. “And none of that weird logic you gave me last time. No. My answer is no.”

He brings my poking finger to his lips and sucks it in his warm mouth. It’s gross, only it’s not. It quickens my breaths and makes me feel dizzy, especially when he hums deep in his chest, making sounds of his own.

They do something to me. Something… intense and tingling and I snatch my hand back. Because of how much I want it in his mouth. It’s dirtier than biting and all that.