Gods & Monsters

“Are you seriously mad at me because I was crying?”

He presses his forehead into mine, his fingers digging into my flesh. “No, I’m mad at you because after everything, every fucking thing, I’m still scared to lose you. I’m terrified to lose you and you just don’t care.”

I shake my head at the agony in his voice. “Abel –”

“You don’t get it, do you? You don’t understand what I went through, sitting in that jail cell, thinking I’d never get to see you again. Their fists didn’t hurt me as much as the mere thought of never seeing you. It burnt, Pixie. It fucking burnt.”

His guttural voice brings my tears anew and I get up on his feet and wind my arms around his shoulders, making him my world. The rest is only a void. I don’t care for it.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper into his swollen, injured jaw.

“Your dad came to me after they let me go in the middle of the night. I’d just stepped out and he was there. He told me that what I did with the camera, the pictures… He said if I really loved you, I would’ve never asked you to do that for me. That’s not noble. That’s not godly. He said that’s how monsters love. Monsters take and take, but what did I know. My parents had done the same thing. They didn’t think about anyone else but themselves. They gave in to their wrong desires.” He swallows, his red-rimmed eyes flicking all over my face. “He told me to leave you alone, leave the town. I don’t remember ever being that angry or that afraid. I was so fucking afraid, Pixie. You wanna know why?”

“Why?”

“Because I knew that if I left that town all alone, I’d never make it.”

“Abel…” I gasp out his name, unable to form words, unable to form thoughts even.

“I knew I’d die. I knew I’d let go of the wheel and slide off the road and hit a tree. Exactly like my parents did. I knew history would repeat itself if I never got to see you again.”

I’m a blubbering mess but somehow I manage to say, “Just take me home, okay? Right now. Please.”

Abel carries me home, my limbs wrapped around his large, muscled body.

People might be giving us weird looks as we walk through the streets but I don’t care. I care about nothing but him and me. It’ll take me a long time to bounce back from his confession. I squeeze him every time I think of it. How weird is it that our thoughts were the same? The night I ran, I thought the same thing: I couldn’t let history repeat itself. I didn’t want to end up like my parents, and he was afraid he’d end up like his.

I wonder how many sons and daughters carry the burden of their fathers. I wonder if we will pass on the same burdens to the children we have.

My wayward thoughts go poof as soon as we enter the weird, mirror-plastered apartment. Abel kicks the door shut with a bang that jerks me. It sounds very much like the first sound he made when he crashed into my life, the slam of his truck door.

A big bang.

It makes my stomach clench and my heart beat faster, a lot faster. As he puts me down on the floor, I know what’s going to happen. With this big bang, I’ll no longer be mine. Not even a single part of me will belong to myself.

I’ll be all his. Abel’s.

It doesn’t scare me. I know I can handle him. I know I can lose myself in him without reservations. I’m ready. I’ve been ready for some time now.

We stand in the middle of the living room, with Abel looking down at me, his hand in my hair, pulling my head back. I’m pressed against him, every hard edge of his body prodding into the soft edges of mine.

I taste my heart on my tongue, beating wildly, madly, fearfully, as I put my hand on his jaw, tracing the same bruise again. I don’t know why that particular contusion bothers me so much. Could be because it’s bigger and swollen and the most painful looking.

“You’re crazy, you know that, right? You can’t think like that. You can’t think about running your car into a tree or something.”

He smiles, then. “You don’t need to feel sorry for me, Pixie. Not with what I’m about to do.”

“What are you about to do?”

Bending down, he licks the seam of my trembling lips. “I’m about to take that last part of you. I wish I was noble but I’m not. Not when it comes to you. I’m gonna make you mine and be yours in the process.”

I kiss him, lightly. “Take it. It’s yours anyway.”