Medicine Man

I don’t feel like eating my chicken when Josie is close enough to count his eyelashes. Or the fact that he’s looking at her like she’s a wonder of the world when he hasn’t even looked at me once since we talked about needles last week.

Okay, so maybe not a wonder of the world, but something. Something that gives him pleasure. Something that makes his soft lips tip up at the edges.

I look away; I can’t watch. Maybe I should interrogate Josie in our session today and ask her about it. Or maybe I can ask him since I’m meeting with him too, at the end of the day.

“You’re not gonna believe what I have to tell you.” Renn plops down on the seat beside me, her tray laden with food.

Then she looks at me with pity.

“What?” I stab a fork in my chicken.

“Oh, Willow.” She presses a hand on her chest. “I love you, but this is gonna hurt.”

I sit up straight in my chair. “What? What are you talking about?”

She sighs dramatically. “I’ve got some dirt on him. I know you claimed him and so I went digging. People are not talking, which in itself is very weird. But I have my ways.”

“What? What ways?” I’m confused now, and fearful of what she has to tell us.

“Can you just tell us and get this over with?” Penny says in a bored voice.

Renn gives me another look of pity before launching into her story. “So, we already know that his dad founded this place, right? But get this…” She looks at us one by one and my heart starts to slam inside my ribcage, more than it was already slamming. “They have been trying to get him to work for them for years. Like, years. But he never accepted. Until now. You know why that is? It’s because our current Dr. Blackwood didn’t leave his job in Boston on his own. He left it because he was fired.”

“What?” This comes from Penny.

“Yes. He was fired. Can you believe it? Dr. Blackwood, the excellent doctor, was let go. No one knows for sure though. Official statement is that he quit. But there has been talk that he was forced to quit.”

Immediately, Penny denies it, but then comes up with all the reasons why he could’ve been fired. And in their usual way, she and Renn go back and forth.

Forged prescription. Self-medication. Affair.

My heartbeat spikes at the mention of an affair and I want to say shut up. Stop talking. I can’t hear it.

But all my words have died. I’m stunned. Reeling. Not in a million years would I have guessed Renn’s big news.

He was fired.

Dr. Simon Blackwood, the ice king, the hero, was fired.

Fired for God’s sake.

Instantly, I know it’s a mistake. It has to be. No one in their right mind would fire him. I’ve only known him for a week and we’ve had a handful of conversations, but I know that much.

I believe that much.

“All right. Stop,” Renn commands, before turning to me. “I’m sorry I got carried away. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I shrug. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I know you like him –” She raises her hand when Penny protests. “Maybe it’s not true, you know.”

“I know it’s not true.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t believe it. Not everything you hear or even… read is reliable,” I say, paraphrasing the man himself.

He gave me the benefit of the doubt. I can definitely do the same for him.

“Well, then, I don’t believe it either,” Renn says.

Vi smiles at me, nodding. “Me neither.”

I smile back and for some reason, it makes me want to cry. This group of girls who have only known me for three weeks have somehow become the best friends I’ve ever had.

Renn gives me a side hug, which obviously gets noticed by Hunter, who’s standing nearby. She blows him a kiss when he tells us to break it up.

“God, you guys,” Penny grumbles half-heartedly. “Stop crushing on the staff. It’s not right.”

Even though we all laugh, my heart isn’t in it. I’m burning up with questions. Questions I don’t think I have a right to ask.

But I want to.

I wonder if this is what psychiatrists feel when they are analyzing their patients. I guess not. Why would they? It’s all clinical, in the name of medicine.

So I guess, he doesn’t feel the same burn when he asks me questions. Which is great because it’s not like I’m going to answer them anyway.

But why do I want him to feel the same burn that I’m feeling right now?

A second later, that burn takes up a physical form and I feel the heat of someone watching me. I turn around in my seat and my eyes clash with his. He’s leaving the dining area with Josie and his gaze is on me.