Dirty, Reckless Love (Boys of Jackson Harbor 3)

I open my mouth, but I don’t know how to answer that question. I love him. I’ll probably always love Colton. He was my first real love and the father of my child. But that’s not what he means. There are some breaks that no amount of healing can mend.

“You’re breaking my heart,” he whispers. “Are you in love with him?”

I won’t offend him by asking who he means. We both know he’s talking about Levi, and we both know it’s a reasonable question. I love Levi, but am I in love with Levi? Maybe the distinction is nothing more than semantics, but it seems important.

Colton presses his lips to my neck again, then bites me softly in that same spot before pulling away. “I saw you out on the dock with him. Was he touching my girl?”

“I’m not yours.”

“Is that a yes?” He grazes his knuckles down my side. “Fuck, I miss you. I miss this body.” He buries his nose into the crook of my neck, and my mind flashes with a thousand memories of times he’s done this before, the way I always felt safer in his arms. Wanted and cherished. “I miss the way you smell, and the way you scream when I make you come.”

Maybe I shouldn’t let him touch me. Maybe I should lunge out of his arms. Instead, I stay perfectly still, too afraid this might all be a dream to risk jarring myself awake. I was terrified he might be dead somewhere, but he’s here, the heat of his body proving he’s very much alive. Thank you, God.

“Does he know how you like to be touched?”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “Colton, don’t.”

“He’s wanted you from the beginning, and now he finally has you.”

Does he have me? Because it feels like Levi and I are dancing around each other, marking time until I remember more. I wish I could see Colton’s face. I want to see the life in his eyes, to reassure myself that this isn’t some bizarre hallucination brought on by my injuries. But I can’t deny that even as I stand here in Colton’s arms, my mind, body, and soul tell me I belong with Levi.

I’m so sorry, Colton. But I can’t say it, can’t explain, so I say, “Everyone is looking for you. Why are you hiding?”

He tenses behind me. “Because it’s not safe.” His voice is rough—the sound moving like gritty sandpaper over the delicate sounds of the lake. “But it will be soon. I just have to figure out who hurt you.”

“You don’t know?”

“I’m working on it. I don’t want you to stay with Levi, but you should anyway. He’ll protect you. Don’t trust anyone else. And when I can come home, I’ll win you back.” The hand on my side slides around to my stomach, and I wonder if he’ll catch the broken pieces of my heart. “I’ll earn the life we planned together.”

Ellie

Sunday, August 26th

“Penny for your thoughts?”

I’m curled up on my couch. I haven’t moved since Colton walked out the door. I’m not sure I’ve breathed, except that I’m still here, still conscious, still wondering if I missed the moment my life went so completely off the rails. Either I’m still breathing or I’m in purgatory.

I blink up at Ava. I have no idea how long I’ve been staring off into space. “What time is it?”

“Just after one.” She walks toward me tentatively then slides a big white box onto the couch beside me. “Are you okay?”

I shake my head. “Not really.”

“Did you and Colton talk at all?”

I graze my fingers across my faux-fur throw pillow and watch the short strands part and then bounce back together. I can’t look at Ava. Right now, she has torn loyalties. Sure, she’s my best friend, but she’s Colton’s sister. I’m pretty sure sister trumps friend.

“Did he tell you anything?” she asks.

I pull my knees to my chest and rest my forehead against them.

“Ellie?”

I lift my head and look at her. “I saw him with Molly last night.”

“I know you did. Levi told me at breakfast, but just because they were together doesn’t mean they’re having an affair.”

“You think they were just talking about Noah? About his kid?”