If It's Only Love (Boys of Jackson Harbor 6)

She stares through me, and the ache in my chest amplifies with each second. “You’re right. It was selfish, and I wish you could take it back too. But you can’t. You can’t change any of it, so please stop trying to bring it all back to the surface.” She turns on her heel and walks away. I don’t take my eyes off her as she strides purposefully all the way to the bar and disappears into the kitchen.

Fuck that. I push out of the booth to follow her.

“Hey, East. How’s it going?” Carter asks. Unless I missed him when I got here—which, to be fair, is completely plausible—he must’ve arrived while I was talking to Shay.

“Just trying to get your sister to give me the time of day.”

He lifts his chin, his jaw hardening. I wonder if Carter has ever noticed that his sister is all grown up now. But then he says, “Good luck with that.”

I push into the kitchen after Shay and find her standing with her arms braced against the stainless-steel counter, her head bowed. “If you’re here to give me more of your opinions on George, save your breath.”

“You deserve better than him. Is that really what you want? A relationship with a guy who doesn’t even realize how amazing you are? If you were mine . . .” My stomach cramps. She was mine. For the briefest moment, Shay was all mine. And I lost her. I knew I screwed up, but at the time, I was doing what I had to do. And I can’t regret any choice that gave me my daughter. “I wish I’d handled everything better.”

She releases a puff of air and shakes her head.

“What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Shay?”

When she turns and meets my eyes again, only bitterness glitters in hers. “You didn’t have to sleep with me. You didn’t even have to kiss me. You could’ve been the hero just by showing up in Paris when I needed a friend. Then none of this . . .”

“You want me to regret that night or just apologize for what happened after?” I prowl forward, caging her against the counter. Her brothers are on the other side of the kitchen door and could walk in here any minute. I lower my mouth to her ear before I continue. “I don’t regret taking you to bed. I’m not sorry that I made you moan my name even if the sound has haunted me, even if knowing how good we were together made me miss you that much more.”

She uncurls her hands from my shoulders but doesn’t push me away. I brush my hand along the side of her jaw, and her breath shudders out of her.

“Do you truly not feel this? Did it end for you?” I close my eyes. I need to back away, but I don’t want to. She’s letting me touch her. Letting me close. “Because it didn’t end for me. I don’t think it ever will.”

She stares at me for a long beat before sliding out from between me and the counter and turning into the office just off the kitchen. Am I supposed to follow her or let her go?

Jesus, if I had any clue how to let Shay go, I would’ve done it ten years ago. I follow and close the door behind me. “We need to figure this out.”

She spins back to me, her eyes blazing. “Do it yourself.”

I huff out a laugh and prowl toward her. “What did you say?”

Those defiant eyes brim with tears and her bottom lip trembles. “I said do it yourself. I have nothing to say, but you’re the one so determined that we have this conversation.”

I come closer. She backs against the wall, and I keep coming until there are only inches between us. “That’s real mature, Shay.” I cup her jaw and stroke her bottom lip with my thumb as I study her face. “This is what you want?” I dip my head and bring my mouth a breath from hers. “You want me to corner you and make you talk? Maybe I need to remind you how good we are together.” I cock my head to the side, touching the bridge of my nose to hers. “You try to keep hating me, but you lose your grip on it when I get close, so I wonder what would happen if I got closer.”

Her breath is sweet against my lips, and she grabs my arms and curls her fingers into my biceps.

“Is that how it has to be, then? You want me to press you against this wall and kiss you until you can’t remember your name and can’t blame yourself for letting your guard down?”

Her pulse quickens beneath my fingers and her back bows as she arches into me. “We have nothing to talk about.”