Lost In Me (Here and Now 1)
A delicious chill runs over my skin, but he says stuff like that and then…nothing.
He pulls me even closer and I can feel that hard length of him through his dress pants. “That’s all I’ve been able to think about since I had to leave you last night—undressing you and taking you to my bed, keeping you there all weekend.”
“I think I’d like that.” I’ve not pushed the issue of our lack of intimacy. My head’s too busy spinning with what I have and haven’t done, but I’m ready to put a stop to that hesitancy. I’m marrying this man, and none of my memories of making love to him have returned yet. I want to know what that’s like. I want the reassurance of him making love to me.
He groans. “I’d make damn sure you liked it.”
“Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.”
His hands tighten on me, pulling me closer. “Don’t tempt me. We’ve made it this far. We can hold out for a few more weeks, don’t you think?”
I stop moving. Right there in the middle of the dance floor, my shoes might as well be filled with lead. “What?”
“Don’t get me wrong,” he says quietly. “I want you. You don’t need to question that. I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone.” He presses his nose to my hair and inhales deeply. “But there’s something kind of special about waiting, about the anticipation of it. And I’m sorry if it’s not politically correct, but I fucking love that I’m going to be your first and only.”
I push back half a step so I can look into his eyes. “Are you saying we’ve never…?”
Confusion flashes in his eyes. Then he drags a hand over his face. “God, it never occurred to me that I needed to tell you, but how would you know if you can’t remember?”
“Know what?” I need to hear him say it.
He smiles, as if he’s about to tell me some delightful surprise. “You’re a virgin,” he whispers. “You wanted to wait for marriage.” He pulls me back against him, and I press my hot cheek against his chest and squeeze my eyes shut.
“You’re a virgin.” But what he means is that I haven’t slept with him. Did I sleep with Nate?
The song ends, and he tips my chin up to look in my eyes. “Are you okay?”
I don’t trust myself to talk, so I nod toward the bar.
We walk hand in hand. Every brush of his thumb skimming over my knuckles digs a guilty dagger into my heart. Every day it becomes clearer to me that I have secrets I have to share with Max before we can get married, but it never occurred to me I might have to tell him I gave my virginity to someone else.
Lizzy’s standing in front of the bar in a long, strapless black dress, tapping her foot to the beat. She takes in our joined hands and grins. “You two look nice out there.”
Max presses a kiss to the back of my hand and winks at me. “This beauty can make anyone look good.”
Lizzy’s jaw goes slack and she flashes me a look as if to say, “How could you doubt a future with this guy?” Or maybe it’s more, “You are such a bitch.” As her twin, I’m excellent at reading her, but those are pretty similar looks.
“What can I get you?” the bartender asks.
Max stuffs a five in the tip jar. “A draft beer for me and a glass of Riesling for my girl.” The bartender hands us our glasses, and Max presses a kiss to my bare shoulder. “I need to talk to William about our plans for his bachelor party. Sam made plans at this strip c
lub in Indy and Will isn’t having it. Apparently, I’m supposed to be the mediator.”
“Mediate away.” I force a smile. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I love you,” he whispers.
I wait until he’s gone before I turn to Liz and drag her into Mom’s house and all the way upstairs to our old bedroom.
“What’s going on?” she asks as I shut the door.
“Max said I’m a virgin.”
Her eyes go big and her jaw drops.
“He said I wanted to wait until we got married to have sex.”
“Since…when?”