Lost In Me (Here and Now 1)

His jaw ticks, and I can tell he’s fighting some kind of internal struggle. Then, as if he can’t handle looking at me anymore, he tears his gaze away. “You weren’t unfaithful. Not at all. The night you met me—”

“Three months ago. In St. Louis,” I supply.

“You remember?” The question is cautiously whispered, but I can’t tell if he hopes I do or don’t.

I shake my head. “Maggie told me.”

“You’d just broken up with Max that night. Come on, Hanna. Use that amazing brain of yours. You aren’t the kind of girl who would date one guy and mess around with another. You wouldn’t have ever gone out with me that night if you and Max hadn’t broken up.”

“A breakup?” I almost laugh. “You don’t understand small towns. If that were true, everyone would have known.”

“But you two didn’t want anyone to know. Your mom was helping him get that grant so his business could stay afloat, and you knew she’d stop if you two weren’t dating anymore. Things had gotten bad for him—he sold his fucking house, for Christ’s sake.”

I don’t like the logic of those words—the way they dig into my skin and crawl like a hundred parasites.

“You didn’t cheat,” Nate repeats. “Tell him whatever you want about us, but you weren’t unfaithful.”

“If we broke up, why wouldn’t he have told me?”

“Maybe because he doesn’t want you to remember that he broke your heart.”

No. “He didn’t break anything. He loves me. He’s good to me. Better than I deserve.”

He backs away. One step. Two. The invisible cords connecting us stretch and groan with every inch.

The feeling scares me so much, I lash out. “If you really love me, you’ll do something for me.”

He laughs, an empty, hollow sound. “You want a favor now?”

“I want you to leave town.” It’s not a fair request. He hasn’t done anything to make me think he’s going to disrupt my picture-perfect life. But I fear I’ll do something disastrous if I keep running into him. “I want you out of my life.” I pray that saying the words might make them true. They’re the right words to say—I know that—but they hurt, like someone taking a dull blade to an exposed wound.

“As you wish, angel.”

Angel. “Why do you keep calling me that?”

Silence pulses between us for a beat. A living thing. “Because you saved me.”

Then I don’t have to walk away. He leaves before I can process his words. And I’m grateful. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to walk away from Nate Crane while knowing I’ll never see him again.

“Where are you tonight?” Liz asks, waving a hand in front of my face.

I take a deep breath and shake my head. “Sorry. I’m distracted.”

We’re at a club in Indianapolis?

??one of those honky-tonk places where they get female customers to dance on the bar. Maggie, Nix, and Cally are on the dance floor while Liz and I watch our drinks at the table.

Liz frowns at me. “Don’t pull away from me again, okay? You can talk to me.”

“Did Max and I break up before my accident?” I blurt.

She scoots closer. “I’m sorry,” she calls over the music. “I thought you asked if you and Max broke up.”

I nod. “Did we?”

She frowns. “Not that I know of. Why would you think that?”

“I’ve been feeling so guilty about Nate, but what if I don’t need to feel guilty? What if I was only with Nate after Max and I broke up?”