Devil's Bargain

“Thanks.”

“Oh, sold that fancy jacket this morning,” she says on her way out.

“That’s great.” It was an old and rare designer item I had in the window.

“Fifty bucks.”

I smile, nodding as I look out onto the street through the glass storefront windows only half hearing what she’s saying as she hurries outside.

Before I can lock the door and turn the sign around, two women walk in. I head behind the counter after greeting them. I pick up the phone, then put it back down again.

I need to think this through. I need to go see Liza to find out what happened, and make sure she’s okay.

I’ve reached out to her before, a little while after she’d left the Boyd house. I’d wanted to check in on her. Make sure she was okay.

That had been a mistake, though. And the other times she contacted me, she was looking for money. More than once, I gave her all I’d managed to save up. I suspected it wasn’t to pay the rent like she claimed but I couldn’t say no. And each time, I’d felt a vague threat when she’d mention Sean.

I changed my number after that last time.

But there’s a part of me that can’t just ignore the fact that she’s in a hospital after being beaten. No matter what, she and I were close once. What happened to us, it did this to her. It made her the addict Hawk claims she is.

I got lucky—if you can call it that. She didn’t. And I will always know this.

It’s a risk though. I’ve managed to stay hidden for years. I know what will happen if Sean finds me. I know what he’ll do.

I busy myself tagging new items, the day passing in a blur, my thoughts a whirl with everything.

In my mind, I’m weighing options. If I leave here, I’ll need to get a new car. One that won’t break down on the side of the road. The Golf is fine for short trips in town where Jim is available if I run into trouble. It won’t make a long-distance trip.

But what will happen to the shop?

Deirdre could take it over. She’d like that, I think. Right? But there’s her granddaughter to consider. This is just a part-time job for her.

And I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to start again.

I don’t want to be afraid.

I go back and forth all afternoon, deciding and changing my mind about everything again and again. All the while, thoughts of Hawk last night, of how he was, how gentle he became. How almost careful with me.

But I will never see him again. Best to get him out of my mind. He’s not my prince charming and there won’t be a fairy-tale ending. Not for me.

As much as I want to close up shop, it’s Saturday, my busiest day, and I need the money. By the time I leave, it’s half-past nine.

I drive home remembering how the last time I’d walked into my house, Hawk’s men had been there waiting for me. That was just last night. It seems like so much has happened since.

I think about Hawk and I wonder if I could go to him. If Sean were here, could I go to him and ask for help?

But that’s ridiculous. He’s a criminal. A loan shark. That’s the reason I was in that situation at all. What happened after the auction, well, I should just keep my head down before he decides he’d like his money’s worth after all.

Besides, for a man like him, that sort of transaction we had, it’s business. I wonder if he has someone else paying off their debt tonight.

The thought makes me feel a little sick and I distract myself by switching radio stations.

I pull onto my street and do a quick scan. Nothing looks out of the ordinary.

At least not until I get near enough to my house to see the black sedan parked high on my driveway.

My heart skips a beat and my hands grow sweaty on the steering wheel.

It’s the same car as the other night. I think. Although it’s not like I saw the license plate. But I do recognize the man smoking his cigarette out on my porch.

I park my car on the street and take a breath that should be calming but my heart is still thundering against my chest as I step out.

The man takes a deep drag as he watches me walk up the cracked walkway to the front steps. My heels click as I go and although it’s not a quiet neighborhood, the sound seems too loud tonight.

When I climb the stairs, he nods, reaches to open my front door for me.

The lights are on and I step into the living room. I can see the small kitchen and find another man looking in my refrigerator. He’ll be disappointed, I think.