Teach Me Dirty

“This isn’t right! She’s so young!” I agreed with that, too.

And then she broke, and she sobbed. I waited until she’d regained her composure without saying a word.

“I hoped you’d be a pervert. That would have been easier…”

“Sorry to disappoint you.”

She laughed a sad laugh. “I wanted to believe what we were doing was right, but I couldn’t.” She put a hand to her chest. “Helen was so alive, I watched her come out of herself in front of my eyes. You took my little girl,” she cried, “and you made her such a happy young woman. I could see it. She was happier than I’ve ever seen her in her life.”

It choked me up. “I’m sorry.”

She wiped her eyes. “How can you be sorry for that?”

“It was inappropriate.”

“Yes, it was, but look at her now! Look at my little girl. She doesn’t eat, she doesn’t sleep, all she does is cry. And I have to say to myself, what’s worse? What’s really worse? Her being happy with someone she shouldn’t, or being devastated without them?”

The question was entirely rhetorical. Her eyes moved to Helen’s painting and filled again. “Helen’s always been an unusual child. She’s not like the others, never has been. She’s… complicated, and deep, and sensitive…”

“She’s a wonderful woman,” I said. “Helen’s a very gifted artist, and she’s a credit to you. She’s kind, and she’s smart…”

“You love her, don’t you?” She sighed. “You actually love her. This is real.” She picked up the envelope again. “Enough to toss everything in for.”

“Easily enough to toss everything in for,” I said.

She let the tears fall. “I was eighteen when I met Helen’s dad. He forgets this, of course. I had Helen at twenty. My dad thought George was too old for me, all of a five-year age gap.”

I smiled. “You’ve done a fantastic job with Helen, truly. She thinks the world of you both. If she didn’t, we wouldn’t be here.”

“Everything’s so regimented with George. He doesn’t understand. He thinks he’s doing right by her, but he’s never really understood her. I don’t either, but at least I know I don’t.”

“He’s got every right to be angry,” I said. “You both have. I respect that.”

She shook her head. “He’s so stubborn. He’s too stubborn.” She smiled. “Stupid old goat, he is, but it lasted, me and him. It really lasted.” She stared at me, and I felt myself burn up. “She’s made a right mess of you,” she laughed, and pointed to my shirt. I couldn’t help but smile at the double meaning. I looked down, and sure enough I was covered in paint and tears.

“Yes,” I laughed. “Yes, she has.”

“She really loves you, you know. We had so much trouble over the years with her little crush.” She sighed. “Thought she’d grow out of it. Only she didn’t. And now it’s real.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so, Mr Roberts. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. I’ve seen it in her eyes these past few weeks when her heart’s been breaking. I saw it in her smile when she was happy.”

“I love your daughter, very much.”

“I hope you do,” she said. “Because I’m going to have one helluva job convincing George to let you stay. It’s not going to be easy.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Sorry?”

She waggled my letter. “This,” she said. “You can take it back. You need to get my daughter through her exams.”

“You don’t need to do this.” I raised my hands. “You have every right to be angry. You have every right to want me out.”

“But I don’t,” she said. “And that’s the problem. I should but I don’t.” She took a step towards me, handing me back the letter. “The way I see it, Mr Roberts, there isn’t so much black and white in the world as there are colours. So many different colours. And sometimes things don’t fall into boxes, and what’s the point in forcing them?”

“I’m not sure, Mrs Palmer, I’ve always celebrated colour.”

“You’re as old as I am, you know.”

“I’m aware of that,” I said.

“She might grow out of this. She might move on one day, get bored. She is still young.”

“I’m aware of that, too,” I said.

“You won’t be able to see her all the time, George isn’t going to go for that, no matter what I say. And she needs to study, she needs to knuckle down and pass her exams.”

“I’m very aware of that,” I said. “Don’t worry, Mrs Palmer, I’ll do right by Helen, you can be sure of that.”

She smiled. “I hope so, Mr Roberts, because I’m sticking my neck right on the line for this, and my George isn’t going to take it easily.”

Her support moved me, I felt the lump in my throat. “There has never been anyone else, not like this,” I said. “I’m not in the habit of doing this. I just wanted you to know, this was purely a one-off, this was purely Helen.”