Control Freak

I can’t even call her my anorexic half anymore, because she’s become so small that she’s barely a tenth of my mind, or even a twentieth. I gaze around at the blue sky. “I can barely hear her over all this birdsong.”

We’re about to set off when Stian swears and crouches down. “Åh, helvete. I’ve broken a shoelace. Hang on.”

I take out my water bottle and have a drink, and watch a flock of small birds flying from tree to tree. “My Swedish is coming along all right, but my Swedish swearing is excellent, thanks to you.”

From somewhere down near my feet, he laughs. I put the bottle away. A few minutes later, he’s finished with his shoelace, but he hasn’t stood up.

“What are you still doing down there?” I ask, glancing at him.

He’s calmly looking up at me, and he’s holding a ring. A silver ring with a diamond, and it’s shimmering in the sunlight.

I clap my hands over my face.

“I told you I always want everything,” he says in his deep, gravelly voice.

He did say that, right from the start. I’ve given him all of me, which is more than he bargained for, probably. But he’s accepted me with open arms every time.

“Can I have everything, älskling? You know how badly I need it.”

I nod.

“Is that a yes to marrying me?”

I nod again.

His mouth quirks in a smile. “Then are you going to take your hands away from your face and kiss me?”

I do, and instead of standing up he pulls me onto his knee. His lips are warm and possessive as he kisses me, and I wrap my arms around his neck, tears blurring behind my eyelids. While I’m perched on his thigh, he takes my left hand and slips the ring onto my finger. It sparkles in the dappled sunshine, bright and clear and beautiful.

I’ve let the world in, and I’m no longer afraid of it. I’m more afraid of shutting it out. There are too many wonderful things that I’d be closing the door on. I made a mistake when I shut that box, because like Pandora I sealed up hope as well. I shut away all possibilities for happiness along with that cruel voice, and she doesn’t deserve any of those things.

But I do. From now on I’m going to live, and that means loving Stian with all my heart.

Stian wraps his arms around me. “I’ll always want all of you, Lacey.”

I kiss him softly. “I’m all yours, daddy.”

My love. My control freak. My everything.