Strong Enough to Love (Jackson Hole 1.20)

She gasped. “Stop it. You don’t get to say that.”

“Yes, I do. I love you. I loved you then, and I love you now. Nothing’s changed.”

“I’ve changed.” She pressed her hands to his chest to push him away, but when he drag

ged his mouth to her neck, she arched into him.

“Fine,” he said against her skin. “But I haven’t. I still love you. I still want you. My hands still shake when I think about you. Your smile. Your laugh. That look on your face when you’re working and you forget I’m there. And your skin. Jesus, Eve. Your skin. And the line of your back.” He slipped a hand down her spine, closing his eyes at the way the small of her back curved into her ass. He pulled her against his body and kissed her neck again. “The scent of you. And the taste. I want to taste you, Eve. I want to spend hours tasting you. Days.”

She wasn’t pushing away anymore. Her hands slid around to his shoulders. Her nails dug into him. She pressed herself against his erection, and he groaned at the pleasure.

“I can’t do this,” she whispered. “I can’t. You walked away. You tossed this aside like it was nothing, and it wasn’t.”

“I know. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Even though I had to do it, I regretted it. I hated it.”

“But I was the one who felt guilty. Who felt wrong. For wanting you at all, and then for not wanting you to try again with your wife.”

“Is that why you’re tossing it aside this time, Eve?”

She stiffened in his arms. “What? I’m not tossing anything aside.”

He let her go and met her narrowed gaze. “Yes, you are. You’re giving this up. Walking away. Because of pride. This time it’s you.”

“It’s not pride,” she insisted, her voice breaking a little. “You hurt me.”

“I know.”

“You made a decision that changed my life and you never even asked how I felt. Do you have any idea how lonely I was? And how eaten up inside? I knew that thing you didn’t want to know. I knew you were with someone else, sharing a life, sharing a bed. I knew that every second of every day. So I had to give up everything I felt for you, because it was killing me.”

Tears spilled over her eyes. She tried to wipe them away, but then her face crumpled. “It hurt so much that it scared me. I didn’t know how to make it go away.”

“Eve.” He wrapped her in his arms and she clung to him, sobbing against his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry. Nothing in the world would have made me walk away from you except that one thing. My obligation to my wife, yes, but I also didn’t want it to start that way with you. My marriage felt over, but Eve, it was still there in my life. I wasn’t a clean slate for you. I didn’t want it to feel wrong, because it’s so fucking right between us. It’s so easy and comfortable but there’s need and lust, too, and... I’ve never felt that before. I didn’t want it to be something either of us would regret. I’m sorry.”

Her fists tightened in his shirt. Her back trembled under hands.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Please give me another chance. Please. I swear, I won’t hurt you again. It’s right this time, Eve. I swear it.”

She drew in a shaky breath. And then another. But she didn’t say a word.

“I know you built a life for yourself while I was gone. I just want to see if you can fit me into it. If you can’t, if you decide it’s not worth forgiving me, then...”

Then what? He had no idea. He breathed in her scent and tried to imagine what he’d do with himself if he had to let her go again. It would be so much harder this time. This time, he’d be chained by the memory of her body, of knowing how good it was between them. Knowing he’d never have that even one more time, and that he’d never find it with anyone else.

Her back rose against his hands as she took a deep breath. “I know you’ll hurt me again.”

“I won’t. I—”

“Stop. You will. Loving someone...that means feeling things that will hurt sometimes, in small ways, at least. And in big ways when things go wrong.”

“Eve...” He shook his head.

“But I learned how to be strong when you left. Stronger than I thought I was. I got through it.”

He nodded. “I know. You’re amazing. You always have been.”

“So, even though it will hurt, I think I can get through it. Even if it ends. I don’t need to be so scared.”

Brian held his breath, waiting to see what she meant.