Too Hot to Handle (Jackson Hole 2)

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Mom, Grace told me you were dating a woman, so is there anything you want to get off your chest?”

“Oh,” her mom said. A heartbeat passed. Then another. And then her mom burst into loud sobs.

Tears immediately sprang to Merry’s eyes. “Don’t cry. I love you so much. Just…why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know!” her mom wailed. “I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Just…failing you.”

“Because you like women? Mom, come on.”

“It’s not that simple. I…I wasn’t sure at first. When your dad left, I was relieved. God, I’ve never said that out loud. But it’s true. I was happy to be alone and I felt terrible about that, because I knew it wasn’t good for you. You wanted a daddy. You wanted more than just me.”

“I didn’t! Not really. I was a little girl. I wanted to be like everyone else.”

“I know. I know. And I couldn’t give you that, Merry. I wanted to. I tried. I went on a few dates when you were small, but I wasn’t even interested. I assumed I was meant to be alone. And that was fine. I tried to make our home happy for you.”

“You did, Mom. You always did.”

“I’m glad. But when I realized maybe it was more than wanting to be alone—” She broke off into silence.

Merry wiped the tears from her face and waited.

“I couldn’t give you a mom and a dad and a picket fence. I wanted to so much and I couldn’t. But I couldn’t give myself what I really wanted, either. I was afraid to make life harder for you than it already was. I didn’t want to make you a target for bullies and zealots and…I was afraid for myself, too.”

“So you were alone? That’s just awful.”

“It was fine. I didn’t mean for it to be forever. I really didn’t. But then I looked around and all those years had passed.”

“So why didn’t you tell me later? Why didn’t you tell me now? You’re dating someone, right? I want to know that, Mom. I want to know who you love.”

“Oh, Merry. It’s just… It’s complicated, baby.”

“Why?”

Her mom sighed, and Merry could almost hear her deflating. “Do you remember Louisa Tolliver?”

Merry shook her head, drawing a blank, but then the name sunk in. “Miss Tolliver?” she yelped.

“Yes.”

Miss Tolliver had been her fifth-grade teacher, pretty and fresh out of college and brimming with excitement and hope. Merry had loved her utterly and completely. “Miss Tolliver?”

“We had an, um, flirtation. When you were in her class. But of course, I wasn’t comfortable with that, and she was worried about her job. And she was so young.”

“Mom! Miss Tolliver?” Merry pressed a hand to her mouth to try to stifle a laugh that was half horror and half scandalized delight. She met Grace’s eyes. Grace raised her eyebrows in question, and Merry just shook her head in disbelief before looking back out at the lights of passing cars.

“Well, I ran into her again a few months ago, and of course, she’s almost forty-five, and she’s out now and living happily and I just thought…I thought maybe I was ready to take that chance.”

Merry just wanted to scream Miss Tolliver again, but that probably wouldn’t be helpful. “You’re dating Miss Tolliver,” she said as calmly as she could.

“Yes,” her mother answered. “I am.”

“Wow.” This was too much to take in. Like a strange, random dream you laughed about with friends. She took a deep breath. “And you were afraid to tell me?”