Angel (Bartered Hearts 1)

That had been the trouble niggling at her mind. The news of her mother had shocked every other thought away. “Madame will kill me,” she groaned. They’d been ordered to wear their best and be festive for the celebrating customers. To pretend that a new year meant something good instead of just another year of being bought.

“I thought you’d decided not to go back.”

Yes, she’d thought that too, but everything was clearer in the morning. “I can’t have a respectable life here, even if I want it. I’ve been selling myself for ten years. Too many people know me as a prostitute.”

“So we’ll go away.”

He’d mentioned Kansas, but she’d thought that was idle talk. The possibility shimmered in her mind, yet it seemed impossible. New Orleans was the only place she’d ever known.

“Why?” she asked, the word pulled from her mouth in a cry. “Why would you go away with me?”

“Because I haven’t been living for a while,” Bill answered. “I’ve existed. I’ve worked. I’ve kept moving.”

Yes, she understood that. Sometimes she thought that was all she’d done.

“And when I met you, I started thinking maybe I was more than a man who’d lost everything. I started wanting something more. Something good.”

Melisande opened her mouth to point out that she wasn’t something good, but her throat refused to let the words go. Wasn’t she as good as the men who visited her? Wasn’t she as good as the wives of New Orleans who pretended not to know? Wasn’t she better than the fathers who left their families and forced women to do anything they could to survive?

She swallowed the ugly words about herself and said something better. “Where…where would we go?”

The harshness of Bill’s broad face softened at her question. “North,” he said hopefully. “West. Anywhere.”

“But your work. You build ships. How would we live?”

He shrugged. “Wood is wood. All I do is follow someone else’s orders. I can build fences or railroad tracks just as easily as ships. I have a little saved, and if you want, a free ride up the river to St. Louis. I know a few of the captains. We could start there. See where it leads us.”

North, she thought. Or west. All the way to California if they wanted. She could see places she’d only read about. Meet people who knew nothing about her.

She let hope take her over for a moment, let it sink into her skin. But her skin was too armored for that, apparently. The hope slid right off.

“And if I need to work?” she asked softly.

Bill pushed up on his elbows and propped himself against the wall without answering.

“If I ever need to make my own way?” she pressed. “Have my own money?” She pulled the sheets to her chest and sat up to meet his eyes. “If we run out of coin and I need to work, will you beat me for reminding you I’m a whore?”

His nostrils flared as his cheeks flushed. “I’d never touch you that way. Never.”

“Would you leave me, then?” That was the fear, wasn’t it? That she’d take a chance on this man and it wouldn’t make a difference?

The anger faded from his face. He shook his head and dropped his eyes. After he took a deep breath, he met her gaze again and stared at her for a long while before he spoke. “Do you like it?” he asked.

“What?”

“What you do.”

She held his eyes and answered honestly. “No. It’s just working with my body, same as you do. Some days I’d rather do anything else. Some days it’s fine. I can’t say I ever like it, but it’s better than being dead, and it’s better than begging for food.”

“Well then.” He searched her eyes for another moment before reaching out to cup her chin carefully in his hand. “I suppose if you can hate it and do it, I can hate it and know it was done. I’d say I get the easier end of that bargain.”

She didn’t realize she’d been holding her breath until she let it out. Relieved, she turned her head and kissed the palm of his hand. A strange relief, but there it was. She could be his helpmate, but she couldn’t put her future in his hands and hope for the best. The best of some men wasn’t anything good at all. She wouldn’t be beaten for wanting something for herself. She couldn’t live like that.

“We could leave today,” he said.

She laughed at his bright words. “We can’t. You’re mad.”

“It’s the new year. As good a day for a new start as any. I’ll collect my pay. You collect your things. I’ll find passage heading north. All we have to do is step aboard.”