Billionaires in Vegas

“Unless of course... you’re married because...”

“No!” I’ve got to put a stop this right now. “Kathryn is not pregnant.”

“Oh, well. Plenty of time. She’s young.” My mother snorts. “Although I’m not getting any younger. Never mind. Where is she? Tell me all about the wedding, you scamp! Of course you know that we will have to have a real wedding as soon as we get home. I drew up a list on the plane ride here, and...”

“Mom.” I stand up, steadying her with my hands. She’s not a tiny woman, but she’s thin, and as she gets older I can tell she’s going to be frail enough to knock over with a breath one day. So I’m careful, but still firm. “Kathryn isn’t here. There is no honeymoon. There was no wedding. We were drunk and fucked up at some chapel that had no right marrying us. Our lawyers are here to get us an annulment as quickly as possible.”

She stares at me for a good while. Now, my mother does not have a poker face. At all. You know exactly how she feels at any moment. While that may sound like something that works against her, it’s hardly the case. Trust me. There have been many occasions over the years in which both my father and I cowered to see anger, rage, and intense sadness overwhelm her fair complexion. Because when my mother feels emotions? She feels them. Hard.

“What?”

No man wants to tell his mother that all her dreams are crashing down around her. “Kathryn and I are technically married, yeah, but we’re getting an annulment. It was a mistake.”

“A... mistake...”

Someone knocks on my door again. I recognize this heavy, methodical knock. Clarence. “Excuse me. That’s my lawyer, helping me clean up this mess.”

“This... mess...”

Sure enough, Clarence enters the room as soon as I open the door. In his hand is a huge manila folder with all sorts of stamps and seals emblazoned on it. Looks pretty official. Intimidating, really. “What’s this?” he asks, seeing my mother in my room.

I try to act like I invited her. “You told me to get a mediator.”

“Your mother.”

She looks at him as if it’s his fault, like he put me up to this, like his wife is a dirty cheater at bridge. We’re all fucked.

“Anyway, I brought the complaint. It’s been filled out. It just needs your signature, and then we can deliver it to Kathryn.”

I take the pen out of his hand and flip open the folder. “Any word on the hearing?”

“I’ve greased as many wheels down at the courthouse this morning as I can. Nothing will be official until this is filed, but it looks like Miguel and I can get you guys in there as early as Monday morning.” Before I can say my thanks after signing my name on the dotted line—this time actually on the fucking line—Clarence continues. “You have to understand, of course, that there will be compensation required for doing this. The clerk was not doing it for free.”

“Of course not. I fully expect an annulment to bite me in my wallet. I’m paying you for all of this, aren’t I?”

“Uh huh.” Clarence takes the folder away after I’m done signing. “Caroline.”

“Clarence.” Poison is dripping from my mother’s fangs. She did not fly all the way out here for this bullshit.

“Since you’re here as your son’s mediator,” my lawyer continues, unceremoniously handing my mother the manila folder. “You can do us a favor and deliver this to Kathryn Alison for us. It has to be done by a third party.”

My mother gasps, regarding the folder as if it’s coated in toxic sludge.

“Mom, please.” If there ever was a time for her to turn down the antics, now would be it. “You would be helping us out tremendously. I know you don’t want to do it...”

“How can you ask this of me?” Immediately on the defensive, my mother turns to me with one of the most heartbreaking pleas I’ve ever seen on her face. “Ian, you’re making a huge mistake. You think getting married on a whim was a mistake? Son, I did that years ago, and it turned out okay!”

I can’t help but roll my eyes. “You intentionally got pregnant with me so my father would marry you. You’ve broken up with him so many times that Page 6 has stock articles about you two.”

“That’s us, Ian. Your father and I are fucked up. You and Kathryn are good, though! I’ve seen how happy you make each other! Why would you throw away this opportunity? It may not be the most romantic tale in the world, but we can fix that when we get home. I’m sure your father will let you use the property to host a proper wedding...”