Alpha Erased (Alpha Girl 9)

I wanted so badly to disappear into the page he’d drawn that it took me a second to try to remember what Eli said. And even then, I wasn’t sure. “About?”

“How Cosette can’t fix this. And knowing Eli, he’s right. He can lie just fine. He’s not like most of the fey. But I don’t think he was lying.”

“I don’t think so either.” I wished he was, but I didn’t think getting her back even after this long would be that easy.

“Cosette might like to yell and scream at him, but Eli helped me before. It was in the most roundabout fucked up way, and it sure wasn’t easy. But he gave both me and Cosette everything we wanted.”

“I’m glad you’re happy.” I was jealous of it, but I could still be happy for him.

“That’s not what…” Chris sighed. “For whatever reason, Eli didn’t show up until now. There’s a reason for it. I don’t know why, but there will be a very good reason. And if he says you have to get her to love you again, then that’s what you’re going to do.”

I stared down at the sketchbook in my lap. At her laughing. “I don’t know how I got her in the first place. Dumb luck?” I leaned back against the pew. “How am I going to do it again?”

“Here’s the thing.” Chris twisted to face me, and I did the same, turning just enough to see him without lifting my head from the pew.

“You bit Tessa. I always thought that was a shit move. It’s why I thought for a second she and I…” Chris trailed off, and I was glad he did.

I knew he kissed her. It was irrational to be mad about it now, but if he really wanted to bring it up, I was happy to get angry about it all over again.

“I’m glad it didn’t end up that way, but you know, she’s amazing. And she deserved better than you biting her like you did. So, you’re going to do what you should’ve done from the beginning. Michael’s working getting you set up for that right now.”

I wasn’t following him. “Working on what?”

“He was on the phone when we got to the waiting room. He said he had this feeling that it would take longer than we all wanted to get her back.”

Michael and his feelings were so annoying. They’d always been annoying, even when I was little. They were never enough to actually do any good.

And then I’d gotten used to how accurate and clear Tessa’s visions were. Somehow that made Michael’s vague hunches even more frustrating. “What’s he doing exactly?”

“He’s getting her neighbor in the apartment across the hall from her to move out right now. They were negotiating on price when I left. You’re moving in.”

What? How was Michael planning all this without telling me anything? “I am?” I wasn’t pissed, just confused.

“You are, and since you’ll be so close to her, you’ll run into each other. But you’re going to wait for her to come to you. You’re going to wait until she falls in love again. And then you’re going to kiss the hell out of her, and that fey magic will go away. But don’t you dare kiss her until then. Okay? We don’t want her back in the hospital. Forcing memories, forcing the magic, forcing her to love you—none of that will work. And your wolf has to be patient. None of him taking charge again.”

My wolf was testy on a good day, and I hadn’t really seen a lot of good days lately. But in this, we were of one mind. Tessa mattered more than anything. He wouldn’t lose it. Not with her. Not again.

And yet, I had something pitifully embarrassing that I had to deal with before I moved across the hall from Tessa. “I won’t lose control, but…”

“But what?”

I shoved my pride as far away as I could.

Chris knew Tessa. They hung out. He talked to her. If I was going to ask anyone that wasn’t Meredith—who was beyond biased—it had to be Chris. He’d give me an honest answer. “Do you think she’s better off without me? Without all the magic and bonds and danger—”

“Jesus, Dastien.” His gaze searched me as if he were trying to see into my

head but couldn’t. “You don’t really think that. Do you?”

I turned away from him and stared hard at his drawing on my lap. At the look on her face. At her smile. At her eyes. “Yeah. I thought it all the time before, and since she’s been gone… Yeah. I think that all the time. And now that I know she’s okay and—”

“She’s not okay! She’s in a coma because of some stupid fey magic. How could she possibly be okay? Dude. Where’s your confidence? What’s happened to you?”

I tried to remember when I saw Chris last. I guess he’d been there to pick out furniture a few months ago, and maybe I hid the despair and heartache and sadness well enough that he hadn’t seen it. “I lost everything that mattered to me. The only thing that mattered. I had nothing left. No reason to live. I…” I let out a harsh breath. “I’m doing better than I was, and now that she’s here, much, much better, but I still… I wonder if I ruined her life. I wonder if what I did…if biting her was…” I wasn’t one to spill my guts—even when I had so many doubts and needed someone to help me.

The words I’d managed to get out would have to be enough.

Chris put his hand on my shoulder, but I still couldn’t look at him.