Flirting With Disaster (Camelot 3)

Then, when he finally spoke, all he said was, “Good coffee, Mel.”

“Thanks.” Melissa was not as good at the emotional burial thing. She appeared to have been smacked in the forehead with a shovelful of surprises.

“To answer your question,” Ben said, “No, it wasn’t me. I haven’t had any contact with Judah in years.”

“Oh. Okay.” Katie tried to think what she was supposed to say next, but her brain was operating at half-impulse, and she really just wanted to tip over sideways and take a nap on Sean’s lap. Not that Sean seemed to be inviting such a thing. He was doing his best impression of igneous rock.

“Someone is threatening you?” Ben asked Judah.

“Not really. Sort of.”

Ben raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Judah admitted. “I’ve been getting messages.”

“What kind of messages?”

“Oh, like, ‘Ho ho ho, be glad they don’t know.’ That kind of thing.” He managed to make it sound like everybody had to deal with messages of that sort now and again.

“Be glad they don’t know what?”

Judah grimaced and pushed both hands through his hair. “That’s the question, isn’t it? I assumed … you.”

“Me.”

“I assumed they meant, be glad nobody knew about you.”

Ben didn’t move, but he seemed to sit taller in his chair. He was a very commanding man in a wingback. “Because I’m gay,” he said.

“Well, not exactly,” Judah corrected. “More because I committed a crime and got away with it. And because I’m gay. Or I was. With you.”

“But you’re not anymore.”

Judah cleared his throat and looked at the ceiling as if he hoped his salvation would arrive from that direction. “I don’t know that I’d say that.”

“Seems to me like you should’ve made up your mind by now,” Ben said mildly.

Judah glanced at Katie, and she attempted to beam the words Tell the truth, asshole, directly into his head.

“I am,” he said, as if he’d received the message. “I mean, I’m not—” He turned back to Ben and suddenly sat up straighter, his posture telegraphing resolution. “Look, Ben, I’m sorry. That’s what I wanted you to know. I’m sorry about what happened with your dad, and I’m sorry I let you take the heat. But mostly I’m sorry I left you behind like you were …”

“A dirty little secret?” Ben suggested.

Judah winced. “Nothing. Like you were nothing. I didn’t … I never planned for that to happen the way it did, but I didn’t stop it, and I should have. It’s—” He faltered again, then met Ben’s direct gaze and seemed to find the words he needed. “I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life, but that was the worst one. By far the worst. And I’ve never stopped thinking about it and feeling like shit about it, not for a single day in fifteen years. I’m sorry. I loved you, and I’m sorry.”

The two men stared at each other. Ben’s lips twitched, and he looked down at his hands. “Did you?”

“Yeah, I did. And I’m sorry for … I’m going to come out. Soon. And you might get some flack for that, too, if they figure out who you are or that I’ve been over here. And if you’re in the closet—”

“I’ve never been in the closet.”

Judah made a strangled sound.

“Since that summer,” Ben clarified. “I’ve been out since I walked out of jail. But I kept my mouth shut about you, obviously.”

“Thank you,” Judah said. He took a deep breath. “So I guess I just want to apologize in advance for whatever they put you through. I can give you guys a security team if you want, or whatever you—”

“We’ll manage.”