Veronika Decides to Die (On the Seventh Day 2)

"And it's because of the girl," said Mari. "We've seen a lot of people die here, always when they least expected it, and usually after they'd entirely given up on life. But this is the first time we've seen it happening to a young, pretty, healthy person with so much to live for. Veronika is the only one who doesn't want to stay in Villete forever. And that makes us ask ourselves: What about us? What are we doing here?"

He nodded.

"Then, last night, I too asked myself what I was doing in this hospital. And I thought how very interesting to be down in the square, at the Three Bridges, in the marketplace opposite the theater, buying apples and talking about the weather. Obviously, I'd be struggling with a lot of other long-forgotten things, like unpaid bills, problems with neighbors, the ironic looks of people who don't understand me, solitude, my children's complaining. But all that is just part of life, I think; and the price you pay for having to deal with those minor problems is far less than the price you pay for not recognizing they're yours. I'm thinking of going over to my ex-husband's tonight, just to say thank you. What do you think?"

"I don't know. Do you think I should go to my parents' house too and say the same thing?"

"Possibly. Basically everything that happens in our life is our fault and ours alone. A lot of people go through the same difficulties we went through, and they react completely differently. We looked for the easiest way out: a separate reality."

Eduard knew that Mari was right.

"I feel like starting to live again, Eduard. I feel like making the mistakes I always wanted to make, but never had the courage to, facing up to the feelings of panic that might well come back, but whose presence will merely weary me, since I know I'm not going to die or faint because of them. I can make new friends and teach them how to be crazy too in order to be wise. I'll tell them not to follow the manual of good behavior but to discover their own lives, desires, adventures, and to live. I'll quote from Ecclesiastes to the Catholics, from the Koran to the Muslims, from the Torah to the Jews, from Aristotle to the atheists. I never want to be a lawyer again, but I can use my experience to give lectures about men and women who knew the truth about this existence of ours and whose writings can be summed up in one word: Live. If you live, God will live with you. If you refuse to run his risks, he'll retreat to that distant heaven and be merely a subject for philosophical speculation. Everyone knows this, but no one takes the first step, perhaps for fear of being called insane. At least, we haven't got that fear, Eduard. We've already been inmates of Villete."

"The only thing we can't do is run as candidates for president of the republic. The opposition would be sure to probe into our past."

Mari laughed and agreed.

"I'm tired of the life here. I don't know if I'll manage to overcome my fear, but I've had enough of the Fraternity, of this garden, of Villete, of pretending to be crazy."

"If I do it, will you?"

"You won't do it."

"I almost did, just a few moments ago."

"I don't know. I'm tired of all this, but I'm used to it too."

"When

I came here, diagnosed as a schizophrenic, you spent days, months, talking to me and treating me as a human being. I was getting used to the life I'd decided to lead, to the other reality I'd created, but you wouldn't let me. I hated you, and now I love you. I want you to leave Villete, Mari, just as I left my separate universe."

Mari moved off without answering.

In the small and never-used library in Villete, Eduard didn't find the Koran or Aristotle or any of the other philosophers Mari had mentioned. He found instead the words of a poet:

Then I said in my heart, As it happeneth to the fool

so will it happen even to me....

Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy,

and drink thy wine with a merry heart;

for God hath already accepted thy works.

Let thy garments be always white;

and let not thy head lack ointment.

Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest

all the days of the life of thy vanity,

which he hath given thee under the sun,

all the days of thy vanity:

for that is thy portion in life,