The Spy

I believe that my friends, always gentle and willing to help me when I had everything, are still by my side now that I have nothing. The day has just dawned, and I can hear birds and noise from the kitchen downstairs. The rest of the prisoners are sleeping, some afraid, some resigned to their fate. I slept until the first ray of sun, and that ray of sun, though it did not enter my cell, only showed its strength in the sliver of sky I can see, brought me hope for justice.

I don't know why life made me go through so much in so little time.

To see if I could withstand the hard times.

To see what I was made of.

To give me experience.

But there were other methods, other ways to achieve this. It did not need to drown me in the darkness of my own soul or make me cross through this forest filled with wolves and other wild animals without a single hand to guide me.

The only thing I know is that this forest, however frightening it may be, has an end, and I intend to reach its other side. I will be generous in victory and will not accuse those who lied so much about me.

Do you know what I am going to do now, before I hear the footsteps in the corridor and the arrival of my breakfast? I am going to dance. I am going to remember every musical note and move my body to the rhythm, because it shows me who I am--a free woman!

Because that's what I always sought: freedom. I did not seek love, though it has come and gone. Because of love, I have done things, things I shouldn't have, and traveled to places where people were lying in wait for me.

But I do not want to rush my own story; life is moving very quickly and I have struggled to keep up with it since that morning I arrived in Berlin.

The theater was surrounded. The show was interrupted during a moment of great concentration, when I was giving my best despite being out of practice. German soldiers took the stage and said that all performances in concert halls were canceled until further notice.

One of them read a statement aloud:

"These are the words of our kaiser: 'We are living a dark moment in the history of our country, which is surrounded by enemies. We shall need to unsheathe our swords. I hope we may use them well and with dignity.' "

I couldn't understand a thing. I went to the dressing room, slipped my robe over what little clothing I had on, and saw Franz enter the door, panting.

"You need to leave or you'll be arrested."

"Leave? And go where? Besides, don't I have an appointment tomorrow morning with someone from the German Ministry of Foreign Affairs?"

"Everything is canceled," he said, doing nothing to conceal his concern. "You're lucky you're a citizen of a neutral country--that's where you should go immediately."

I thought about everything in my life, except returning to my home country, the one place that had been so difficult to leave.

Franz took a wad of marks from his pocket and placed them in my hands.

"Forget about the six-month contract we signed with the Metropol-Theater. This was all the money I was able to scrounge from the theater safe. Leave immediately. I'll take care of sending your clothes later, if I'm still alive. Because, unlike you, I've just been called up by the military."

I understood less and less.

"The world's gone mad," he said, pacing.

"The death of a relative, no matter how close, is no good reason for sending people to their deaths. But the generals rule the world and they want to continue what we didn't finish when France was shamefully defeated more than forty years ago. They think they're still living back then and decided amongst themselves to avenge their humiliation. They want to keep France from gaining strength, and there's every indication that with each passing day, it really is growing stronger. That's why this is happening: Kill the snake before it becomes too strong and strangles us."

"Are you saying we're heading for war? Is that why so many soldiers were traveling a week ago?"

"Exactly. The game of chess has become more complicated because our rulers are bound by alliances. It's too tiresome for me to explain. But right now, as we speak, our armies are invading Belgium, Luxembourg has already surrendered, and now they are moving toward the industrial regions of France with seven well-armed divisions. While the French were enjoying life, we were looking for a pretext. While the French were building the Eiffel Tower, our men were investing in cannons. I don't believe all this will last very long; after some deaths on both sides, peace always wins out. But until then you'll have to take refuge in your own country and wait for everything to calm down."

Franz's words surprised me; he seemed genuinely interested in my well-being. I drew near and touched his face.

"Don't worry, everything is going to be fine."

"It's not going to be fine," he replied, tossing my hand aside. "And the thing I wanted most is lost forever."

He took the hand he had so violently brushed away.

"When I was younger, my parents made me learn piano. I always hated it, and as soon as I left home, I forgot it all, except one thing: The most beautiful melody in the world will become a monstrosity if the strings are out of tune.