Manuscript Found in Accra
Respect those who grew up and learned alongside you. Respect those who taught you. When the day comes, tell your stories and teach; that way, the community can continue to exist and our traditions remain unchanged.
Anyone who does not share his moments of joy and discouragement with others will never fully know his own qualities and his own defects.
Meanwhile, be alert to a danger that threatens all communities: people being drawn into a standard way of behaving, taking as their model their own limitations, fears, and prejudices.
That is a very high price to pay, because in order for you to be accepted, you will have to please everyone.
And that is not proof of love for the community, but proof of a lack of love for oneself.
You will be loved and respected only if you love and respect yourself. Never try to please everyone; if you do, you will be respected by no one.
Seek friends and allies among people who believe in what they are doing and in who they are.
I’m not saying: “Seek out people who think the same as you.” I’m saying: “Seek out those who think differently from you and whom you will never be able to convince that you are right.”
Because friendship is one of the many faces of Love, and Love is not swayed by opinions; Love accepts its companion unconditionally and allows each to grow in his or her own way.
Love is an act of faith in another person, not an act of surrender.
Do not seek to be loved at any price, because Love has no price.
Your friends are not the kind who attract everyone’s gaze, who dazzle and say: “There is no one better, more generous, or more virtuous in the whole of Jerusalem.”
Your friends are the sort who do not wait for things to happen in order to decide which attitude to take; they decide on the spur of the moment, even though they know it could be risky.
They are free spirits who can change direction whenever life requires them to. They explore new paths, recount their adventures, and thus enrich both city and village.
If they once took a wrong and dangerous path, they will never come to you and say: “Don’t ever do that.”
They will merely say: “I once took a wrong and dangerous path.”
This is because they respect your freedom, just as you respect theirs.
Avoid at all costs those who are only by your side in moments of sadness to offer consoling words. What they are actually saying to themselves is: “I am stronger. I am wiser. I would not have taken that step.”
Stay close to those who are by your side in happy times, because they do not harbor jealousy or envy in their hearts, only joy to see you happy.
Avoid those who believe they are stronger than you, because they are actually concealing their own fragility.
Stay close to those who are not afraid to be vulnerable, because they have confidence in themselves and know that, at some point in our lives, we all stumble; they do not interpret this as a sign of weakness, but of humanity.
Avoid those who talk a great deal before acting, those who never take a step without being quite sure that it will bring them respect.
Stay close to those who, when you made a mistake, never said: “I would have done it differently.” They did not make that particular mistake and so are in no position to judge.
Avoid those who seek friends in order to maintain a certain social status or to open doors they would not otherwise be able to approach.
Stay close to those who are interested in opening only one important door: the door to your heart. They will never invade your soul without your consent or shoot a deadly arrow through that open door.
Friendship is like a river; it flows around rocks, adapts itself to valleys and mountains, occasionally turns into a pool until the hollow in the ground is full and it can continue on its way.
Just as the river never forgets that its goal is the sea, so friendship never forgets that its only reason for existing is to love other people.
Avoid those who say: “That’s it, I’ll go no further.” What they have failed to grasp is that neither life nor death has an end; they are merely stages of eternity.
Stay close to those who say: “Everything’s fine as it is, but we still need to move on.” They understand the need to keep going beyond the known horizon.
Avoid those who meet up to discuss, seriously and pretentiously, any decisions that the community needs to take. They understand politics, they impress others and try to show how wise they are. What they don’t understand is that it is impossible to control so much as the fall of a single hair on your head. Discipline is important, but it needs to leave doors and windows open to intuition and the unexpected.