The Zahir

"'No, no. I brought them for you.'

"'For me? But I don't deserve such a beautiful gift from nature.'

"'Whenever I knocked on the door, you opened it. When the harvest had been ruined by drought, you gave me a piece of bread and a glass of wine every day. I want this bunch of grapes to bring you a little of the sun's love, the rain's beauty, and God's miraculous power.'

"Brother Porter put the grapes down where he could see them and spent the whole morning admiring them: they really were lovely. Because of this, he decided to give the present to the Abbot, whose words of wisdom had always been such a boon to him.

"The Abbot was very pleased with the grapes, but then he remembered that one of the other monks was ill and thought: 'I'll give him the grapes. Who knows, they might bring a little joy into his life.'

"But the grapes did not remain for very long in the room of the ailing monk, for he in turn thought: 'Brother Cook has taken such good care of me, giving me only the very best food to eat. I'm sure these grapes will bring him great happiness.' And when Brother Cook brought him his lunch, the monk gave him the grapes.

"'These are for you. You are in close touch with the gifts nature gives us and will know what to do with this, God's produce.'

"Brother Cook was amazed at the beauty of the grapes and drew his assistant's attention to their perfection. They were so perfect that no one could possibly appreciate them more than Brother Sacristan, who had charge of the Holy Sacrament, and whom many in the monastery considered to be a truly saintly man.

"Brother Sacristan, in turn, gave the grapes to the youngest of the novices in order to help him understand that God's work is to be found in the smallest details of the Creation. When the novice received them, his heart was filled with the Glory of God, because he had never before seen such a beautiful bunch of grapes. At the same time, he remembered the day he had arrived at the monastery and the person who had opened the door to him; that gesture of opening the door had allowed him to be there now in that community of people who knew the value of miracles.

"Shortly before dark, he took the bunch of grapes to Brother Porter.

"'Eat and enjoy. You spend most of your time here all alone, and these grapes will do you good.'

"Brother Porter understood then that the gift really was intended for him; he savored every grape and went to sleep a happy man. In this way, the circle was closed; the circle of happiness and joy which always wraps around those who are in contact with the energy of love."

The woman called Alma sounded the cymbal.

"As we do every Thursday, we listen to a story of love and tell stories about the lack of love. Let us look at what is on the surface and then, little by little, we will understand what lies beneath: our habits, our values. And when we can penetrate that layer, we will be able to find ourselves. Who would like to begin?"

Several hands went up, including--to Marie's surprise--mine. The noise started up again; people shifted in their seats. Mikhail pointed to a tall, pretty woman with blue eyes.

"Last week, I went to see a male friend of mine who lives alone in the mountains, near the border with Spain; he loves the good things of life and has often said that any wisdom he may have acquired comes from the fact that he lives each moment to the fullest. Now, right from the start, my husband was against my going to see this friend. He knows what he's like, that his favorite pastimes are shooting birds and seducing women. But I needed to talk to this friend; I was going through a difficult time and only he could help me. My husband suggested I see a psychiatrist or go on a trip; we even had a row about it, but despite all thes

e domestic pressures, I set off. My friend came to meet me at the airport and we spent the afternoon talking; we ate supper, drank some wine, talked a bit more and then I went to bed. When I woke up the next morning, we went for a walk near where he lives and he dropped me back at the airport.

"As soon as I got home, the questions began. Was he alone? Yes. You mean he didn't have a girlfriend with him? No, he didn't. Did you have anything to drink? Yes, I did. Why don't you want to talk about it? But I am talking about it! Alone together in a house in the mountains, eh? Very romantic. So? And all you did was talk, you say? Yes, that's all. And you expect me to believe that? Why shouldn't you believe it? Because it goes against human nature--if a man and a woman get together, have a bit to drink, and talk about personal things, they're bound to end up in bed!

"I agree with my husband. It does go against everything we're taught. He'll never believe the story I've just told, but it's absolutely true. Since then, our life has become a little hell. It will pass, but going through all this pain is pointless, and all because we've been told that if a man and a woman like each other and circumstances allow, they're bound to end up in bed together."

Applause. Cigarettes were lit. The clink of glasses and bottles.

"What's going on?" whispered Marie. "Group therapy for couples?"

"It's all part of the meeting. No one says whether it's right or wrong, they just tell stories."

"But why do they do it in public, in this irreverent way, with people drinking and smoking?"

"Perhaps it's to stop things from getting too heavy. That way it's easier. And if it helps to make things easier, what's wrong with that?"

"Easier? Talking to a load of strangers who might go and repeat this story to her husband tomorrow?"

Someone else had started talking, and so I wasn't able to tell Marie that it didn't matter: everyone was there to talk about the lack of love disguised as love.

"I'm the husband of the woman who just told that story," said a man, who must have been at least twenty years older than the pretty, young blonde woman. "Everything she said is true, but there's something she doesn't know and which I haven't had the courage to tell her. I'll do so now.

"When she went off to the mountains, I couldn't sleep all night, and I started imagining, in detail, what was going on. When she arrives, the fire is already lit; she takes off her coat, takes off her sweater; she's not wearing a bra under her thin T-shirt. He can clearly see the shape of her breasts.

"She pretends not to notice him looking at her. She says she's going to the kitchen to get another bottle of champagne. She's wearing very tight jeans, she walks slowly, and she doesn't need to turn around to know that he's watching her every move. She comes back, they talk about very personal things, which makes them feel even closer.

"They finish talking about the problem that took her there. Her cell phone rings; it's me, wanting to know if she's all right. She goes over to him, puts the phone to his ear, and they both listen to what I have to say; it's an awkward conversation, because I know it's too late to put any kind of pressure on her, it's best just to pretend that everything's fine and tell her to enjoy her time in the mountains, because the following day she'll be back in Paris, taking care of the kids and doing the shopping.