Tell Me To Stay

She could have given me a heads-up at least if she knew Brett was going to be around.

Madox is here. I text her and watch the bubble form letting me know she’s texting back.

Holy shit! Did he see you?

Not yet.

What are you going to do? she asks and I at least feel relief at knowing she didn’t plan this. She didn’t set me up to run into him tonight.

Before I can answer she texts me, I’m sorry! Brett said it was a good bar – I didn’t know Madox would be there – I swear!

If I thought I was freaking out before I got to the bar, I thought wrong. This is a real reason to have a damn panic attack. I didn’t even make it four hours in the city before running into Madox again. Fate is a cruel bitch. She can go fuck herself.

Madox Reed is only about two dozen feet away from me, and although he’s tucked away in a side room of this bar, I cannot bring myself to face him right now.

The last time I saw him, he took me the way he always fucked me back then.

Ruthlessly, and with an unforgiving passion that left me breathless. In a back alley behind a bar, no less. After I left, he came to my place, hunting me down. Those are the last memories he has of me.

There’s no way I can face him right now.

I barely manage to hide behind the brick of the fireplace, not that I’m sure he’s even aware of my existence right now. I let myself breathe for a second, shaking out my hands and giving the small gathering of girls to my left a small smile when they look my way.

I have to pretend I’m not thinking of that night. And that I’m not freaking the fuck out.

What are the odds?

I can feel every single second of what happened that last night.

I remember how my nails scratched down his back and my shoulders hit the hood of the car; I remember how I let my neck arch, breaking our kiss so I could breathe.

With his lips roaming down my neck and his teeth grazing along my sensitized skin, my heart hammered and pleasure built deep in the pit of my stomach. I feel it all over again as I lean against the brick wall to keep me steady.

Even though we hadn’t talked since our last fight – we did that often back then – getting into fights where I walked away, and we didn’t see each other for a while. Not unless I went back to him. Which I always did. That night in particular, I missed him. Everything was wrong, and I had no one.

I craved the way he looked at me with nothing but hunger in his dark green eyes.

And I needed someone. Desperately.

That night I was suffering, and I knew he could take the pain away.

Even now I can admit I wanted him to fuck me because it felt like nothing else mattered when I shattered beneath him. When I let him use me how he liked, savagely and with reckless abandon.

Even if we were nothing other than lovers in that moment. He never called me his girlfriend, he never gave me a commitment. Never. That night, I needed to go far away and I knew he could take me there.

I fell back into his arms without second-guessing a damn thing, and the next thing I knew, I was staring off into the distance while he savagely fucked me in a back alley.

I felt the rush of pleasure as he groaned in the crook of my neck, but it was met with a pain that twisted my heart.

When he nipped at my ear, he called me his dirty whore and ecstasy rocked deep inside of me with his words. He told me I was his to fuck and use how he wanted, and I loved it. In that moment, I loved every bit of it.

He told me to cum for him, and I did. I came with him, like so many times before. I unraveled underneath of him. But what was left of me when he was done was something I didn’t want to face.

When it was over, and the reality of what had happened left me cold and hating myself for what I’d allowed.

Just as I need to run now, I ran back then. As fast and far away as I could. I ran back to my apartment and called Trish because I knew she was moving across the country, and I wanted to go too. I needed to leave after everything that had happened that week. Madox didn’t know any of it. I didn’t tell him anything that happened and so much had that week, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t tell him anything, because he never told me anything either. It was sex. That’s all we had by the end. I knew I needed to leave. And she said yes, I could come with her.