Four Real

“Our father flew back into town to inform us that he’s selling the golf courses here, as well as this house. He’s marrying Carol, and they’re apparently going to grow her golf course business into an empire. He wants the four of us to help him run the new courses they’re acquiring.”

I’m literally speechless. I had a nanosecond of joy and relief that this conversation was not about regret over what we did together, followed by multiple stabs of pain at what this news means.

None of the men say anything. They take turns glancing at me for my reaction.

“On the west coast?” I manage finally.

“Yes.” Knox paces the length of the sectional and back.

“You’re all moving out west?”

“He hasn’t given us much of a choice,” Cade says.

I set the glass of water on the table when I realize I’m holding it in a death grip. Everything in my vision is black and there’s a ringing in my ears. I can’t do this.

“That’s great. That’s really great.” My tone is sarcastic. I sound like I’m losing my mind, because I am. I apparently mean nothing to them if they can leave so easily.

The men have neither promised nor owe me anything, but this hurts. Things between us have only been what we agreed to – it’s my own emotions that are the problem, but it feels like the Evans brothers are betraying me. They care so little for me that they can have sex with me and then move across the country.

“I imagine you’ll have a really nice life out there,” I say coldly, getting up on shaky legs. “I hear the weather’s nice.”

“Bianca, what’s the matter?”

I don’t answer Cade because I’m already halfway to the door. What’s the matter? How did they expect me to react?

I keep on going, out the door, to my car, and down the driveway without a look back.

I’m such a fool. None of what we did together meant anything to them. Sure, they had good intentions – helping a friend with her pitiful lack of experience – but for them, there were no emotions involved beyond friendly ones.

How could I have been so naive? Just because they fucked me, I assume they must love me too. It’s clear to me now that’s all it was – fucking.

I remember how they all took me in different positions, which makes perfect sense, because they were teaching me. They were giving me experience, just like they agreed to. I’m the idiot who thought it was something more than that.

Instead of going to my apartment, I drive to Olivia’s salon. It’s her late night there; maybe I can catch her before she leaves.

I don’t know how I manage to drive. I guess there’s enough anger coursing through me to hold back the tears, though I can’t decide if the anger is directed at the Evans brothers for not caring about me, or at myself for believing there could actually be something more between us.

Olivia’s car is still parked in the salon’s lot.

Me: I’m outside. I need to see you when you’re done with your last client.

Olivia: I’ll be done soon. Want to come in?

Me: I’ll wait.

I’m afraid all of the tears I’ve been holding back will burst out as soon as I see my friend, and I don’t need a stranger witnessing that.

Ten minutes later, a woman with freshly styled hair exits the building as my phone pings with a text.

Olivia: Come on in.

She meets me at the door and leads me back to her chair. “Have a seat. I need to clean up and then we can go out somewhere.”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to go out.” And then the tears come.

Olivia hands me a wad of tissues and rubs my back while she searches my face. “What’s wrong, B? What happened?”

It’s a few minutes before I can talk. The tears come hard, and I let them. Olivia brings over a whole box of tissues.

“I thought it was real,” I say finally. “The dates, the kisses, the sex. I thought all of it was real, but it wasn’t.”

“You had sex with them?” Her voice is low and soothing, full of compassion.

I nod as new tears come. “I’m such a fool. Sex one time and I think they’re in love with me.”

“What happened, B? What did they do?”

I tell her what Knox told me tonight.

“It doesn’t sound like they had any choice in the decision their dad made,” she says.

“If I meant anything to them, they’d find a way to stay.” I hardly recognize my voice, it’s so bitter. “Or they’d ask me to go with them. But the problem isn’t them, it’s me for thinking that I meant that much to them.” I get up and walk into the middle of the floor. There are too many mirrors everywhere and I don’t want to see my reflection. “I’m ridiculous. Sleeping with them once and thinking they’d ask me to move across the country with them.”