The Sinner (Notorious 1)

But when I got out of bed and walked around the house where my family had left me, a space opened up in my chest and doubt settled in. Reality settled in.

“He came here for his father and he’s staying out of guilt for having lied,” I said, not entirely convinced of that but unsure of what I should believe. “He’s got me all wrapped up in this building collapse thing.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“I do,” I said emphatically, convincing myself at the same time. “He’ll leave here, get back to his life and forget all about me.”

“Well, of course he will if you let him go without a fight.”

“A fight?” What a ridiculous idea. “How?”

“Go with him,” Margot grabbed my arms and gave me a shake. “There’s a world out there. A big one. And instead of looking at it through your computer, you should try to experience some of it.”

The back door creaked open and Matt stuck his head in, his smile so pure it stabbed right through me. “Hate to break up the conversation, but Katie is getting anxious to get this fountain in place.”

Today was fountain day. Tomorrow Matt would do the last of the flower planting and sometime tomorrow afternoon our new courtyard would be revealed.

And on Sunday, Matt would leave. Get in his car and drive away.

And Monday I would fall to pieces.

“I’m going to help Matt in the backyard.” I practically threw my mug into the sink, my untouched coffee sloshing over the cream ceramic.

Avoiding my grandmother’s eyes, I wished with my whole body and everything in my heart that I was back in bed with Matt, his arm a solid weight around my waist making everything as it was supposed to be.

16

MATT

Katie and Savannah stood back, shovels in hand, and considered fountain positioning while I struggled under the weight of the enormous, burlap-covered object.

“It would help if we knew what the fountain was,” Katie said. “If it’s a butterfly…”

My arms were straining, muscles burning, “It’s not a butterfly,” I grunted.

“A unicorn?”

“Sorry.”

“Whatever it is,” Savannah said, “I think the center of the maze is perfect.”

Thank you.

I let the fountain rest on the earth.

“You like it there?” Katie asked. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Savannah tilted her head to the side. “I do.”

“You’ve got two choices, ladies,” I said. “The plumbing only works here or next to the house. Take your pick.”

Savannah and Katie shared a cryptic look, and now that my muscles weren’t about to snap I could appreciate what a remarkable moment this was.

This—not that I had any way to gauge it or prove it—seemed to be one of those moments families have. A mundane moment. An everyday kind of moment.

It made me want to argue about what to watch on TV. Or what to have for dinner. Or where to go on vacation.

It felt so damn good I wanted to laugh. I wanted to haul those two girls into my arms and never let them go.

“Here,” Savannah said. “Absolutely.”

I arched my eyebrows at Katie.

“Yeah!” she said and I lifted the fountain out of the way so they could start digging the hole. I found the pipe extensions I needed and within a few hours we had a working fountain.

“Come on,” Katie whined, “show it to us.”

“Nope.” I patted the damp burlap. “I want it to be a surprise.”

Katie looked mulish and Savannah bumped her with her hip. “Won’t it be cool when he shows us everything tomorrow?” she asked. “When all the flowers are planted and the fountain is going, won’t that be the best?”

Katie shrugged.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, thinking maybe I should relent on the whole unveiling thing. The kid had had a pretty rough couple of days. Maybe she could help plant or something.

“The best would be if you didn’t leave,” Katie said, blowing a hole right through my chest.

“Katie,” Savannah breathed. “Don’t—”

“Why do you have to go?” Katie asked, talking over her mother. “Why can’t you just stay?”

“He lives in St. Louis, honey,” Savannah said, looking tight and drawn. Paper-thin.

There was something in the air, something hot and worried. She was running blind, I could see it. And I wondered whether she was doing it so she wouldn’t get hurt, or to stop me from thinking I should stay.

I’d never know unless I acted.

This was my moment. Right here. Now.

“Savannah?” I said, reaching for her hand but she twisted away.

“What?” She turned to me, her eyes wild. I realized how scared she was, but I wasn’t sure what she was so scared of. “You can’t stay, can you?”

It was more of an accusation than a question.

“No,” I said and Savannah’s lips went white, her shoulders going rigid and tight as if taking a punch.

“See?” Her voice broke slightly as she turned to Katie. “He—”

“But I can come back,” I said, gripping her hand, turning her to face me, forcing her to look into my eyes. She was blank, carefully blank, as if showing some kind of emotion, some kind of fear or hope, would bring her to her knees. Suddenly, I was desperate to convince her, to shake off that terrible stillness so I could see something true. So I could see the real Savannah.