Communion (On My Knees Duet 3)

"In the past, I wasn't sure about it when it came to me. I've got some work to do there. And I'm working with someone. Not a friend or fellow pastor or a mentor—a psychologist. Someone who knows how to help when I hit hang-ups that relate to how I see myself. I'm not ashamed of that, and you shouldn't be ashamed of your mental health either. I was hesitant to see someone. Because of my job. But there's no shame in talking to a professional about your mental health. Loving ourselves is what God wants.”

I see his shoulders rise and fall, as if he’s getting a quick breath.

"Finally…I want to say I'm sorry. I know I don't have to, and I don't have to feel ashamed for doing what, at the time, was the best I could do. But it would be a lie not to admit that I do have...if not regrets...a sense of sadness that I couldn't do this sooner. I wish I could have. For you. My siblings who are like I am. We are beautiful and we are loved. We are just as worthy, deserving, and in need of authentic love and connection as everyone else. And to those of you who've felt this and affirmed this with your voice for a while...thank you for opening doors for those of us who have been afraid.” He looks down, and back up. “I'll take questions."

24

Vance

I can barely breathe as he steps closer to the podium. Pearl's hand on my shoulder squeezes. As she starts to move it off me, I grab onto it.

"First one's a softball," she murmurs, so quiet that only I can hear it.

Hands go up, student-in-the-classroom style, and Luke walks to the left stage, pointing into the sea of bodies, people seated on long, cushioned, wooden benches that are called pews.

"Blue shirt," he says, his voice even and congenial.

The man stands. "Chris, from Walnut Creek. I was wondering if you would tell us more about what the New Testament says. About this issue. Most of what I know comes from Old Testament."

Okay…so he's asking about the parts of the Bible. The Old Testament is basically book one, and the New Testament is the second part, which happens during the life of Jesus; that's the part that Christians seem to put more stock in. I'm not totally sure why, but it makes sense given the importance placed on Jesus.

"Thanks for your question, Chris. And the answer is the New Testament doesn't say much." I chew my lip, trying to analyze Luke’s tone as he explains that concepts of sexuality and sexual orientation were unheard of at the time of these texts' writing. "Jesus didn't talk about it. Not once. In First Corinthians and First Timothy, sodomites are mentioned in a general list of ne’er-do-wells, but no one knows exactly what that means. Probably male prostitutes. But these behaviors are listed along with others that were regarded at the time as inappropriate. And we should remember—Jesus didn’t shy away from prostitutes or criminals. Prostitutes today, even, should be treated with love and acceptance. Jesus never said otherwise. And He never spoke about committed, loving, gay relationships. We can only guess, based on the rest of the things he said, how he might feel. My take on it is that Jesus wanted us to love and be loved.”

The question-asker nods twice, says “thank you,” and sits down.

That was easy.

The next question Sky takes—from a woman named Sally, who has long, brown hair—is more of the same. It's about the Bible and its various texts. Again, Sky explains Jesus never spoke on gay relationships. Sally says her son is gay, and she's so relieved someone like Pastor Luke thinks that's okay.

I can tell Luke is loosening up as he takes a third question—this one more a statement from someone who says it's never right to be unkind or judgmental of anyone, even if what they're doing is considered wrong. The man mentions a verse about not casting stones—which I’ve gathered is one of the cornerstones of the Christian faith. At least in theory.

Luke agrees about not casting stones, but he reiterates that it’s not wrong to be gay.

The fourth question is from a teenage girl, who describes herself as a lesbian. She says her parents kicked her out because they think being gay is a sin. Luke gives a thorough answer, telling her other people's sins are no one's business. Being gay hurts no one. If something is rooted in love, it's probably not a sin at all.

"The next one is a woman in the back," Pearl tells me quietly. "Watch and the camera will zoom in on her."

The camera zooms in on a woman with shoulder-length blond hair. That's what I'm seeing when I hear shouting.

Pearl understands what’s going on before I do. She moves forward, toward a sound/tech table set up just behind the curtain, and then people are all around me, rushing toward that table and the wall-mounted TV, making it so I can’t see what’s going on. My heart pounds too hard as I hear more shouting. I’m standing up, moving toward the curtains, when someone grabs my arm—too hard—and says "You can't go out there."