Bang Gang

She looked away from me, back at the TV.

I tried to make light of it. “Your mum wouldn’t even want to kiss me, Rubes. Princesses only kiss frogs in fairy tales, not in real life.”

She laughed at that. “You’re not a frog!”

“I am so a frog,” I said, and did a slurpy face, made a frog croak. “Anyway, what’s your issue with frogs, hey? Are you some kind of bloody froggist? You know what happens to froggists around here?” I took her mug from her and put it on the floor, and then I grabbed her, tickled her until she squealed and giggled and squirmed in my arms. I let her go, gave her a few seconds head start before I chased her, and Mia appeared in the hallway, grumpy-faced at the noise interruption until she dropped her cool front enough to laugh. She looked so old these days, all grown up at high school. Too old for this kind of shit, and that was sad, I missed it.

“Dad’s a frog!” Ruby squealed. “And he’s coming to get us! Run! Run, Mia!”

And to my surprise Mia did run, squealing and laughing and pulling her sister along with her as I ribbited down the hallway after them.

I’d stashed all my new undies safely at the back of the drawer long before Darren dropped the kids back on Sunday. They arrived after teatime, and as usual they looked bloody exhausted, Ruby’s hair all fluffed up like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. Still, as long as they were happy.

They gave me a quick kiss before they went to dump their things upstairs, leaving me standing in the doorway with Darren, feeling more than slightly uncomfortable given the amount of the weekend I’d spent imagining getting down and dirty with him and four of his filthy friends.

He didn’t seem to pick up on it, and if he did, he certainly didn’t say anything.

Part of me wanted to just to blurt it out and get it over with, drop in a casual how do I book in? before the girls were even back down the stairs. But I didn’t. Of course I didn’t.

Darren leaned in and looked beyond me. My skin prickled while he made sure the coast was clear. I wondered what he was about to say, my heart soaring with ridiculous notions.

It was none of them, of course.

“There’s been gossip, at school,” he told me, his voice low. I’d feared it would crop up at some point, and let out a sigh. “It’s alright,” he said. “I’ve talked through things with the girls.”

“What did they know?”

He took his cigarettes from his pocket, stepped back on the porch to light one up. I stepped out after him, pulled the door closed behind.

“Ruby asked me what a gigolo was, then asked me how come I was doing the icky stuff with everyone in the village.”

“Oh my God, Darren,” I groaned. “What did you say?”

He shrugged. “I told her the truth, that I’d done the icky stuff with Mandy Taylor but it was a mistake. Told her I wasn’t going to be kissing anyone else in the village.”

“But you…” I pulled a face, completely unsure where this kind of stuff landed amongst best parenting practice. “I mean, I know you can’t tell the truth, but to lie…”

His eyes narrowed. “Who’s fucking lying?”

“Well, aren’t you..?” I shook my head. “Never mind, sorry. I don’t know. It’s none of my business. Just as long as the girls are ok.”

He took a drag. “Ruby didn’t know about the money, neither of the girls did. That’s a saving grace, at least.”

“Let’s hope it stays that way.”

“Should do, I’ve made it pretty clear around the village where people need to be coming if they’ve got anything to say. They can say it to me, not whisper about the pissing place.”

I nodded. “Good. Hopefully that’s the end of it, then.”

He grunted at me, and then the kids were back, already arguing whose turn it was on the laptop.

They took a break in negotiations to say goodbye to their dad, then disappeared into the living room to get Nanna’s take on their dilemma.

“I’d best be going,” Darren said.

“Thanks for having them,” I said.

“Pleasure,” he said.

“Ok, then,” I smiled.

“Right, then,” he smiled back.

“I’ll see you… around.”

“Be seeing you.”

He didn’t look back, but my heart raced like a fucking horse until his truck was out of sight.

Disappointed. I was so fucking disappointed.

In myself.

Because I hadn’t asked him, and I’d wanted to. Shit, I’d really wanted to.

I should have just dropped it in, should have said…

I took a deep breath, pulled myself together.

Tomorrow, I thought. No dicking about, just a straight question. Where could possibly be the harm in that? Just a customer, like any other customer… why shouldn’t I be?

I went back inside to referee laptop-wars before they drove poor Nanna to the brandy.